Funny How Blessings Come

yes, i'm back. or maybe you have not noticed. i've been away from home for almost two weeks now. bumming around town, crashing at friends' places here and there. my mom got a flat tire in Hamilton, and our van has been in the shop, had some framework done, some alignment, anyway, it's been a mess. but i am home now, and very glad to be. might i recommend the new Mutemath CD. i ordered it online a while back and it was here when i came home. along with the NOOMA soundtrack. also fantastic.

i'm finding that anywhere i go, whatever i do, my circumstances are made painfully aware to me. it's annoying, to say the least. let me elaborate.

funny how blessings come, guised as curses. this is a recurring surreality. i find myself resentful of anything given to me, free of charge or service. i want to earn my happiness. yet God will not grant me that satisfaction to my ego. i'm not sure i want to share every impudent circumstance i find this nested in. i just don't want to accept blessings. and i know it's my pride in the way of that. because some blessings bring me to humility. i think i should pray for more of these. but i find my prayers more dedicated to passing my blessings on to others. i think now God is showing me that's not what He wants for me. rather, He wants me to cherish the gifts He gives.

my friend Matt and i ran into an old friend from highschool the other day. he's having a kid in about 20 days. it was unexpected, but we congratulated him anyway. name will be Christopher. funny how blessings come.

i feel like God is moving me to a new place. in the wake of Easter, i've been spending a lot of time observing the man of Jesus. of course, this is an ongoing thing for me, but lately i've been intrigued by His character. learning how to imitate Him. word has it He was a man of great sorrow. this is because when He came into contact with the poor and sick, He carried their burdens. i wonder about this. to bear the sin of the entire world. how that would affect a man.

it's truly perplexing to think that we as christians are called to carry eachother's burden. not just pray for one another, but intercede for them. lately i'm noticing that negative prayers have more of an effect than positive prayers. praying against crisis. against sickness. against temptation. rather than for happiness. for healing. for freedom. i think it's more of a nip-the-bud technique. it allows God to work freely without the constraint of your will. praying that His will be done, His way. in His timing. i think this is closer to God's heart. i think God wants us to have more of an activist role in His work, and less of a passive tone. and i think God wants us to notice when our prayers are answered. and rejoice with Him.