Monday, January 16, 2006

Turkish Delight

Turkish Delight
how to i bring myself to test God's abounding grace? o, how i detest this rotting carcass of a body i have been given. how do i live in a lended shell, only to continually betray my brethren for turkish delight? so foul. so disgraceful. in the end my tongue is sweet, my hands sticky. traces of my crime lie everywhere i touch. who committed this crime? the one with sticky hands. how will you judge me? will you accept me. what are the conditions? if i continue to indulge my fat body with sweets. surely not. if i promise to turn from my wicked ways, perhaps. yet the smell awakens me. it heightens my senses. i am dumbfound. i must have this. so delectable. hinder me, o God. wake me up from this dream.

provide an exit from this plague of mirages in my desert. i am thirsty. i know what i want, i know the satisfaction of my cravings. Your water that never runs dry. but your springs are found deep. and i am too tired to dig. Lord give me strength. save me from myself. why do i not pray this when my eyes are fixated on this dream of lush. the greenery so intense. so inviting. this tree of knowledge. its fruit, hypnotic. o God, why do i never pray for a shovel in these times. i long for a drink, yet lack energy and motivation to turn my eye from this delusional counterfeit. why am i afraid to call it what it is?

i pose for a picture. a backdrop behind me. yet i give no thought to what page-turners of my future photo album will see. i can make up my reality. deception. is it nothing more? tear down the backdrop to reveal the crack in the white washed wall behind me. take off the filter to reveal the stale, green halogens illuminating from overhead. this is where i am. nothing appealing here. better yet, wait until my smile wears off. reveal my inner beauty of inattentiveness. o God, restore my inner joy. let my peace be found in You.

Christian culture eludes true emotion, unfortunately. shouldn't we all walk a fine line?

i believe there are a lot of christians who don't know what direction they are headed. so intimidated by the ones who do.

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