Enjoy the ride

Where Did God Smell Like?

2012-02-10T04:04:00.000-05:00

When I was in grade 12, I took a grade 10-level Auto Mechanics class. Just for fun. Our teacher gave us complete freedom to do whatever we wanted, and had a drawer full of manuals in case we desired to get our hands dirty. He supervised, while reading magazines. At the end of the semester, he held a 30% exam. Our objective? To design and present a new form of transportation.

I chose time-travel.

I must say, my presentation was by-far the most elaborate, compared to the other students'. Some of them had a problem with my transportation method, regardless of my thorough explanations and diagrams of worm-hole technology, combined with a nonconductive salad-spinner design.

Their problem lied within my definition of "transportation".

Since my grades relied on nothing else to pass this class, I challenged every question they had with dribble about string-theory, quantum mechanics, polar-reversal, you name it. I briefed the topics in preparation, betting that their monkey-brains wouldn't understand anything beyond a DeLorean on a train track.

I got an A+ on that project.

Ever wonder about where we came from? Where the universe came from? Before the big bang? I was milling around on YouTube when I came across this comment:

"There are actually a great number of reasons to believe that the universe is a computation and data storage substrate. Scientists don't generally go around putting it like that, but that's because every God-loving moron (incapable of understanding information theory or quantum theory) would ask "whose computer?" It must be God...my God. What annoys me is that religious people can't even understand easy science like evolution, but they think they are experts on reality."
- YouTube Comment by Snakepliskinist

The "data storage substrate" explanation is funny to me, but I've heard more bizarre things. I feel my stomach churn when I read the rest of that though–Christians wouldn't say that... would they? I Google-ed the question "Where did God come from?" and found a Christian site that offered this explanation:

The question is tricky because it sneaks in the false assumption that God came from somewhere and then asks where that might be. The answer is that the question does not even make sense. It is like asking, “What does blue smell like?” Blue is not in the category of things that have a smell, so the question itself is flawed. In the same way, God is not in the category of things that are created or caused. God is uncaused and uncreated—He simply exists.
- Gotquestions.org

{Facepalm}

I have to say, it's hard to pinpoint why I'm more infuriated by this than by the question left unanswered!

The question is flawed? Your argument is invalid??

Needless to say, I still needed to hear something more sane than that, and this video gave me some good insights about my natural curiosity:

"It has often and confidently been asserted, that man's origin can never be known: but ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science."
- Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man (1871)

My problem with Gotquestions.org isn't their answer. My problem is with their smugness of ignorance, circling of reason, and hastiness of quick-wit. Yes that's right, I have a problem with their entire website.

What is the ultimate goal of the question? To satisfy our curiosity, right? What else would we do once we have the answer?

Change in perspective is the key to understanding this question, which is the key to being satisfied with not being able to know the answer.

What I mean is, instead of asking "Where did God come from?" We could ask a broader, less presumptuous question like, "What does God want me to know about him?" If God is ever going to give me any answer, it is going to be something I can grasp; or at least some portion of it that will fit inside my head. I think I would be satisfied with that.

Lofty scientific goals push us further than we are willing to think, which I am completely grateful for. But when we find the answer to this great life question, what will our discoveries have lead us to? Will there be a Christian there saying "I told you so?"

“The most beautiful and most profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior Reasoning Power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible Universe, forms my idea of God.”
- Albert Einstein, as cited in Libby Anfinsen (1995)

Where did God come from? The answer is simply too big for my monkey-brain, but Einstein seemed satisfied with the limits of his understanding enough to be able to appreciate the wonder. I believe there is great work to be done, and the best we can do is unitedly accept what God is showing our best minds through this worshipful adventure. God surely reveals himself through all creation, to everyone at some point. Let him take care of crafting the course of discovery, and let us allow it to happen.

Cosmology (in metaphysics) is the reflection on the totality of all phenomena; science will not cease until it has solved all mysteries. But the Sower of all true science is unravelling them as we speak.

“I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts, the rest are details.”
- Albert Einstein, as cited in Clark (1973)

The Jesus Conspiracy

2012-02-08T01:20:00.001-05:00

Did Princess Diana fake her own death to escape the public eye? Or was she killed by a rogue element of the British secret service?

If you agree with one of these theories, there's a good chance you'll subscribe to both even though one suggests Princess Diana is alive, the other dead, a new study indicates.

It's known that people who believe one conspiracy theory are inclined to endorse others as well. But new research shows that conspiracy theorists aren't put off by contradictory theories and offers a reason why.

"They're explained by the overarching theory that there is some kind of cover-up, that authorities are withholding information from us," said Karen Douglas, a study researcher and reader in the school of psychology sciences at the University of Kent in the United Kingdom. "It's not that people are gullible or silly by having those beliefs. … It all fits into the same picture."
- Excerpt from Is This Article Part of a Conspiracy?

My question is, what are the implications for having multiple theories about Jesus? Could it be possible to believe multiple truths about him?

Did Jesus die on the cross and rise again three days later? Or did he fake his death and live a secret life?

Dan Brown's book ignited a conspiracal revolution surrounding the life of Jesus. Suddenly, it wasn't clear what was fact or fiction; Gnostic Gospels were surfacing, giving a notion that we had all been duped. The greatest fear for the entire future of Christianity was being realized. It was obvious what the implications were for believing he lived a secret life. But the question everybody had was, what are the implications if Jesus didn't actually die to begin with? And if so, did he give up his life willingly? To Christians, this is more important than his dying at all. So what are the implications? According to the Bible, he would be a fraud, and would never develop a following from anyone claiming the Bible as truth–certainly not to the extent of martyrdom as many experienced.

Was Jesus' death and resurrection a conspiracy theory?

A conspiracy theory is defined as a proposed plot by powerful people or organizations working together in secret to accomplish some (usually sinister) goal (Coady, 2006; Douglas & Sutton, 2008; Goertzel, 1994).
- Dead and Alive: Beliefs in Contradictory Conspiracy Theories

The obvious question based on this definition is whether or not Jesus was powerful, and if his goal was sinister. The following is an excerpt from Flavius Josephus, a 1st century Jewish historian, and his account of Jesus' crucifixion.

Flavius Josephus

Now there was about this time Jesus, a wise man, if it be lawful to call him a man; for he was a doer of wonderful works, a teacher of such men as receive the truth with pleasure. He drew over to him both many of the Jews and many of the Gentiles. He was [the] Christ. And when Pilate, at the suggestion of the principal men among us, had condemned him to the cross, those that loved him at the first did not forsake him; for he appeared to them alive again the third day, as the divine prophets had foretold these and ten thousand other wonderful things concerning him. And the tribe of Christians, so named for him, are not extinct at this day.
- Jewish Antiquities by Flavius Josephus, Book 18, Ch.3, Par.3

The account seems to suggest that Jesus was wise and influential, and the principal men suggested that he deserved death by crucifixion. Assuming this account is true, the only ones to see him alive on the third day were those that loved him at first. He also mentions the tribe of Christians not being extinct. Early Christians believed that he said he would rise from the dead as the divine prophets had foretold these and ten thousand other wonderful things.

Being that the Bible is arguably biased at best, I'm trying to go as far as I can to rationalize this without using it as a source (other than for Jewish/Christian tenet reference). It obviously corroborates everything Josephus said, even if parts of his account have been tampered with (another conspiracy theory).

Jesus Tried By Pilate

Let's go back to the principal men. Why did they suggest to Pilate that Jesus deserved death? Were they considered powerful? Could their goal have been sinister? Josephus seems to paint a pleasant picture of Jesus in that first sentence. What would he have done to deserve death? Could he have been a threat to the principal men?

Jesus was a Jewish teacher, this meant that he taught in the synagogues of Jerusalem. The principal men, or members of the Sanhedrin, legislated all aspects of Jewish religious and political life.

Josephus said that Jesus drew many of the Jews and many of the Gentiles to himself. It is a known fact that Jews had a low estimate of a Gentile's character. Conversely, they were admitted into synagogues if they kept all the rules (Isaiah 56:6-7).

I believe this is as far as I can go to draw any reasonable conclusions without a motive.

What would be the motive for Jesus and his followers?

What would be the motive for the Sanhedrin?

Who is more likely to need a cover-up?

My Theological Worldview || Now and Then

2012-02-06T18:14:00.001-05:00

You Scored as Emergent/Postmodern
You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

89%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

82%

Classical Liberal

68%

Neo orthodox

61%

Roman Catholic

43%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

39%

Fundamentalist

25%

Modern Liberal

25%

Reformed Evangelical

21%

My Comments:
I'm not sure how accurate this test is, since I don't consider myself to be Emergent or Postmodern, as I tend to disagree with a lot of what teachers say from those camps. But, it is interesting for me to reflect on the last time I took this same test.

As far as being alienated from older forms of church, I agree that they don't connect to modern culture very well. But that's assuming that the church hasn't evolved to meet that younger generation. Jesus is never out-dated, and neither is his Gospel; but that doesn't mean that communications technology and music doesn't need to evolve. We need to be spiritually conservative, but culturally liberal.

Nobody knows the whole truth about God. Dialogue will certainly help us learn more, as God meets individuals in different ways. But the Bible gives us a four-dimensional perspective of Jesus, who ultimately shows us what God is like (John 14:9).

Evangelism should take place within relationships; it's never worked so well otherwise. I'd like to expand on this, but for now I'll just say that evangelism is a delicate subject for me. I understand the damage that can and has been done in the name of God, and the more I can distance myself from that, the better I feel about how I share my faith.

The church should be a place where people can feel safe to ask questions. I fully agree with this, and currently align myself with the kind of church that is strong in doing this. Judgement is reserved for God, not man.

Out of Exile || A Blog About Blogging

2012-02-04T09:29:00.002-05:00

I think I'm going to start blogging again. If I do, I'll be using appropriate grammar and capitalization from now on. My previous blog-style method of "capitalization reserved for 'God' and 'Jesus'" is a little passé for my liking nowadays. Furthermore, I believe in communication, therefore necessary to tell my story the best I know how—and I know how to use grammar. And I think it'll be a little easier on the eyes. ;)

It's been almost 5 years since my last blog, so I've spent the last couple days redesigning this thing. My goodness, has technology evolved! Last time I blogged, I didn't have Facebook, or a smartphone. I've just been thinking about all the changes in my life since I've been on here—don't even get me started on my theology.

Hopefully I'll get to embellish on that last point a little more in the next little while, but for now I thought I'd stick to the easy topics. My last blog post (circa 2007) talked about a new job at Everlasting Moments. I served 5 years working there, which came to an end in September of last year. I've since been working at The Meeting House in Oakville, as a Video Editor. There is a story that goes along with that, purely God at work in my life, but stay tuned for that one.

Other life events for me have included getting married, moving a number of times, attending new churches, travelling, starting a business, and not blogging about any of it (sorry!).

If you are interested in the details from the aforementioned marriage, you can check out Laura and my wedding website here.

I've added pictures to my blog. Like this ^ one!

I should mention that I've taken the time to "enhance" my blog from it's previous state; meaning, I've gone through each post and upped the font size a few notches, reformatted all of them, added pictures to each and every one of them, and changed the whole look of the blog. It's even dynamic so you can switch the layout if you disagree with my taste in blogs. I even added labels to each blog based on topics covered, and you'll notice a handy-dandy search bar at the top, which can be used to search for labels you see listed at the bottom of each post (not that you need me to tell you that, you hipster, you!).

My hope was that by dressing things up and making it look pretty, it might be easier for me to keep this up.

One other thing I've noticed, looking back at my previous blogs, is that my worldview has changed a lot since I started doing this. I would even go so far as to attribute keeping this blog to the development and continuation of my faith. It has helped me keep track of where I've come from, who I am becoming, and how I am getting there. So how could I give that up now? My hope is that you would encourage me to keep this going, and if you've discovered this for the first time, and you know me, well, reading anything I've written here might explain my expletive personality and abhorrent behaviour. In fact, I'd love for you to find something I said, and ask me if I'd say that now! If you have that much time to waste, that is.

The Thomas Question

2007-04-06T15:02:00.000-04:00

okay, so i'll give you the update. my part-time job has turned into a full-time job, working as an editor at Everlasting Moments. i am also in charge of updating their website.

i've been listening to podcasts by The Thomas Question lately, during the long trek between home and work. if you enjoy intellectual, thought-provoking, challenging messages, i would suggest subscribing to their podcast here if you're using iTunes, and here if you're not. it's a great podcast for people who aren't comfortable with christians, but are curious about God.

well, i'm thinking about starting up my blog again. i've left it alone for 4 months, because i was falling into a routine with this thing. i intend to change things up a bit. i have some new ideas about things, and my faith has some new influences. so we'll see where it takes me.
a new challenge:

this Easter, take time off from work, even if you aren't done work. organize your life in a pattern that allows, and prepares for rest.

My Princess

2006-12-16T02:40:00.000-05:00

my princess

Throw a Sheet on the Ghost

2006-11-12T13:19:00.000-05:00

so i quit my job. yeah, the one that was keeping me from believing that time is not money. there are other reasons why i quit, but i don't wish to discuss them in this post. i have a part time job as an editor, so it's not like i had nothing to fall back on. but as i said, that is not the reason for this post. just felt like an update on my last blog entry.

i have learned a lot in the last little while. one thing bouncing around in my mind is the "desire for exclusivity". we all have it. we all want special treatment. we want what nobody else has.

we all want to go where no-one else has gone before. we want to be the first. we want the free vacation to Florida and the Bahamas. we want the penthouse suite. we want the perfect wedding. we want to know what nobody else knows.

christians even incorporate this in their lives. we want to experience God like nobody else has. we want our prayers answered on time. we want God to be on our side. we want to preach a sermon that hasn't been preached. we want to start a church like no other church. we want our ideas about God to be heard.

i admit i am guilty of all of this.

but i must acknowledge that i haven't experienced God the way others have. i haven't had all of my prayers answered. God has opposed me at times. i've preached from the same verses as others have. i've never started a church. and i'm certain that all of my ideas about God are inadequate.

i learned recently that we cannot understand God because our mind is simply too small. don't rely on our own understanding. we ask, "make a nonsensical thing make sense to me; make a mind-blowing thing fit into my mind for me; make an unbelievable thing believable for me - then i'll believe." but action is required to experience God, because your mind isn't big enough.

Proverbs says to taste and see that the Lord is good, not look and observe from a distance. stop thinking about something that cannot make sense to you. throw a sheet on the ghost and see it for yourself - hang parts of your life and your future on it.

it is far better to give than to receive
when you want love to be earned, give it for free
when you get status and can turn it into privilege, turn it into servanthood
when someone takes your tunik, give him your cloak as well
if someone makes you walk one mile, walk two
what difference does it make if you love your friends? love your enemies as well

follow these teachings and you will understand what is beyond your understanding. i know God doesn't make sense, but He exists anyway.

i quit my job because God told me to. that's why i hate talking about it.

Time Keeps Ticking

2006-10-19T08:38:00.000-04:00

some words from the wisdom of Oswald Chambers:

"The central point of the kingdom of Jesus Christ is a personal relationship with Him, not public usefulness to others. It is not the practical activities that are the strength of this Bible Training College— its entire strength lies in the fact that here you are immersed in the truths of God to soak in them before Him. You have no idea of where or how God is going to engineer your future circumstances, and no knowledge of what stress and strain is going to be placed on you either at home or abroad. And if you waste your time in overactivity, instead of being immersed in the great fundamental truths of God’s redemption, then you will snap when the stress and strain do come. But if this time of soaking before God is being spent in getting rooted and grounded in Him, which may appear to be impractical, then you will remain true to Him whatever happens."

it's interesting to think that most of my stress endured on a daily basis is self-inflicted. personal time with God takes a back seat to the endless need to keep busy. i feel that if i stop and catch my breathe, i'm wasting time.

i have learned recently that time is not money. applying this to my current workplace is utterly nothing more than a ridiculous idea, since it is primarily based on commission. but i forget that the "system" is built on this idea; to keep me from God.

even devotional study isn't time with God.

i must repent.

Avoiding Foolish Disputes

2006-09-21T20:15:00.000-04:00

maybe "avoiding foolish disputes" means not arguing about anything with no eternal value.

Good News?

2006-09-11T18:23:00.000-04:00

Mark 1:14-15...Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the good news of the kingdom of God, and saying, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe the good news."

Time is fulfilled.
Jesus is referring to the time set by God for his children to become adult sons and heirs. through Jesus, all things in heaven and on earth would be brought together under one leadership. when Jesus made mention of the fulfillment of time, everyone under law was waiting for this time to come, because they would have understanding of these things (Galations 4:4; Ephesians 1:10). a contemporary way of putting it might be to say that in a world of confusion, where things do not make sense, we look forward to the time when everything will be brought into meaningful relationship under the headship of Christ.

Repent and believe.

"Repent" comes from the root word metanoia -- meta meaning "again" and noia meaning "to think." Noia comes from a root word that has to do with cognition or thinking. So literally, "repent" simply means "to think again." But usually, given the context in which it's used in the New Testament, I'd say that "repent" has this sort of connotation: It's like, if I were on my way to see a particular movie, and I called a friend who I knew had seen it and asked, "What did you think of ____? Was it good?" And they said, "Absolutely not! It was one of the dumbest movies I've seen in a while. In fact, all the funniest parts were in the previews." Then, I'd probably respond by "repenting" of what I had originally intended to do. I'd respond by not seeing that particular movie.Now, given our understanding of the language, a good rendering of "repent" would be to "reconsider the direction you're headed." Or, in light of its typical usage in the New Testament, it means "to reconsider your entire way of living." Come to think of it, in my own life, repentance takes place fairly often. Even on a weekly basis! - Understanding God's Will (Kyle Lake)

Kingdom of God.
salvation is, essentially, access to everything in the Kingdom of God. when Jesus said that it is "at hand", he was saying that you could have salvation now. you could experience God now.

Let me take this further: If we only have a legal-transaction understanding of salvation in which we are forgiven of our sins so we can go to heaven, then salvation essentially becomes a ticket to somewhere else. In this understanding, eternity is something that kicks in when we die. But Jesus did not teach this. Jesus said that when we believe, we have crossed over from death to life (John 5:24). God always has been and always will be. And when I enter into a relationship with God through Christ, I am connected with God now and I will be connected with God forever. For Jesus, salvation is now. - Velvet Elvis (Rob Bell)

Good news.
does any of this sound like good news?

"The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe the good news."
Edit: "The time of confusion has ended, you may now recognize yourselves as sons of God. Full life is available to you now; reconsider your ways of living and believe what I teach you."

Some Technicalities

2006-08-29T12:48:00.000-04:00

i want to address some theological issues, if i can.

there is always going to be faulty doctrine, this day or the next, but there are some arguments that i have run into lately, for which the following statements are true:

God is not Omni-Benevolent
i'm trying to be careful with this, because it is a blanket statement. God hates sin. God hates the unrepentant sinner. Matthew 10:20-24 has Jesus denouncing whole cities for not repenting and following Him. therefore, consider it an act of love that you are alive today.

We are not all God's Children
Jesus said that everyone is born into sin, and that unless we have experienced a rebirth, we are called Sons of Hell (Rebirth explained in John 3:1-21). therefore, any verse regarding God's beloved, the Kingdom of Heaven, or the Good Shephard, etc. must be understood with this in mind.

God Doesn't Send Anyone to Hell
with the previous point in mind, this should be easy to explain; God's children spend eternity in Heaven, and Sons of Satan spend eternity in Hell. God is only the Judge. your sins are what determine your fate.

i have been analysing the story of The Rich Young Man (Matthew 19:16-30; Mark 10:17-30; Luke 18:18-30). it is the age-old, straightforward question of "How do I enter Heaven?" posed to Jesus. these verses are addressed to a rich man, and then to the closest followers of Jesus. i guess i keep wondering if this passage is directed to me as well... if i need to sell "all of my possessions" in order to follow Him. in any case, i think the common denominator is following Jesus.

P.S. if you are simply having trouble understanding the Bible, try praying for understanding.

How to Live

2006-08-14T19:22:00.000-04:00

suddenly i have rekindled a passion for the weary and heavy laden christian. i am reminded that when i displease God, i should encourage my brothers and sisters. i want to start here, where you are. where you're discouraged. where you've failed.

may you find God's overwhelming love and acceptance, again and again. may you reignite passion. may you rekindle hope. may you rediscover truth. may your path be made straight. may your words fall on deaf ears. may you endure hardships. may you bask in the infinite peace of God. may you store treasures in Heaven. may you become weak. may your prayers be heard.

perhaps it is true that God does not count how many times you fall, but how many times you get up. perhaps God understands your self-hatred and disgust with your sin. perhaps God loves you regardless of how many times you turn your back on Him. perhaps God wants you to come only broken.

sometimes i am afraid that my sin will indefinitely separate me from God. i lose hope. i forget God's promise. He will never leave me nor forsake me. i feel spoiled. like God's injustice is in my favor. is God content if i quit the big sins and don't worry about the little sins? if all sin is the same, then i'm screwed. there's no way i can become righteous. how is God pleased with a saint/sinner? can i trust Him to provide? how do i show my commitment to God if i will inevitably go on sinning?

there's no other way it could work. i must come back to Him.

i think there is something heavily spiritual about the inability to break through to the inner court, to the throne of God. the veil was torn, but we've put it back up. there is denial there. there is fear there.

i love football movies. but i've seen some cheesy pep-talks for a worn out climax that could only work on a big screen. this reminds me of christians. we're the worst for encouragement. but i think it's deeper than our reputation. i think it's ultimately a lack of faith. it's a spiritual battle.

the idea of true encouragement is a very lost one. the lifting of spirits... encouragement means to give courage. true courage, in the life of a christian, is not an emotion. it is not an attitude. it is the unleashing of intrinsic boldness.

i want to encourage you, not inspire you.

Father in Heaven, send your Spirit to guide us, to rest on our shoulders, to make our paths straight. let us tear down the veil to your secrets once again. let us worship You until our breath runs dry. let us pray until the rocks cry out. let Your truth burn on our tongues. let us storm through the valleys and shout from the mountain tops. let your Kingdom come down. let us have faith once again. give us the Holy Boldness, sharpen our tongues, teach us to pray. let us hear your voice, o God of Elijah. let us see your face, o God of Moses. let us sing Your name, o God of David. let us be with You, o God of Israel. in Jesus' name, Amen.

may you never believe prayer to merely be a thoughtful gesture.

Whore

2006-08-10T20:28:00.000-04:00

WEDDING DRESS - Derek Webb

if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
that i would take a little cash over your very flesh and blood

(chorus)

because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife

i don't normally post song lyrics on here, i never read them on anyone else's blog, because i figure there's nothing i've never heard before (laugh). but i was recently introduced to Derek Webb and this song. it hit me so hard because it has such deep, forgotten meaning. it is written from the perspective of a shameful bride. at second glance, it bears the awful truth of an unfaithful church. watching her as she repeatedly breaks every vow. Derek calls any follower of Christ to love the church. Jesus himself said "If you love me, you will tend my flock."

it's incredibly easy to point fingers at the church, to say what it should be like, what it needs to do, and to hilight the flaws. when i condemn the church, i condemn Jesus also. God loves the church. i want to love what He loves. i want to see the bride of Christ as He sees her.

I Got Served

2006-07-20T21:42:00.000-04:00

sorry, i couldn't resist.

i am sorry for such a delayed post, perhaps some of you have given up on this blog because i don't update it enough. i've been busy living life, i guess. i've experienced quite a lot in the past few months. i've been seeking God, and evaluating motives. one thing i'm struggling with is pride. it seems that when i am delighted in the work of the Lord, the enemy is dedicated to boosting shots to my ego. i start getting wise in the ways of man. i use persuasive words. i lose my innocense to the facade of 'being real'...

yes, i know, you're wondering how being real could be a facade. believe me, it was news to me as well. it seems that honesty has become this upcoming generation's preference to holiness. while both are pure and good, they can also be taken to an ultimate extreme. i have been a sucker for this. my desire to live hardcore. "because you're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore." but if that's all talk, how am i a follower of Christ? it seems i've found a new comfort zone that tells me i can get away with only talking like i know God, talking like i've experienced God, thinking about God, even telling others about God.

God has been revealing to me (because i'm so dense) that i can't be Christlike unless i feed the hungry. heal the sick. give to the needy. serve others.

i never give money to homeless people. heck, when they ask if i have any change, i outright lie to them. i don't even look them in the eye.

someone asked me for a quarter once. i gave him one. i started to feel good about myself, giving myself a little pat on the back, and a little Jesus star beside my name. i was downtown Hamilton. then i needed to make a phonecall. i realized that i had given this guy my only quarter - my ticket home. thoughts overwhelmed my mind. i got bitter. i cussed, i swore, i punched the payphone. i resentfully bought a $20 phone card. one i would never use more than once. this little punk inconvenienced me, and ruined my day with one simple request. i didn't have to say yes. i told myself that was the last time i would give away cash. it was also the first time.

i read a passage of scripture that has Jesus saying,

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
if a man asks you for money, give him money. look him in the eye, and acknowledge him as a person. servanthood is not a gifting, or a calling. it applies to anyone who is in Christ.

i have to admit, this is a hard message. i will have to struggle to live up to it. everything within me burns to want to be Christlike but avoid my responsibility to serve others.

Street Evangelism

2006-06-19T13:40:00.000-04:00

Benny Hinn Healing Crusade

in all seriousness, if i take someone with a terminal illness and bring them to the front of a church, and challenge anyone who thinks they have enough faith to heal them, to come and do so, is this wrong in God's eyes?

Jesus heals man with Palsy

i've been doing a little street evangelism and young people are generally very angry with church. they say the church isn't what it should be. well, i've heard this for a long time now, and i don't care to cast any more stones. revival is happening in Canada, and i want in on it. i just need to know my bounds. i need to know what is promised, what isn't, what i can tell people, and how to have faith. you might just tell me to read my Bible, but i have been. i'm amazed by the book of Acts. can every christian heal people? prophecy? cast out demons? i know different people get different giftings based on their measure of faith, but what does that mean? how can you base it on your faith? does that mean that if i believe i can heal, i can therefore heal? i don't think i have the gift of healing, specifically. i've done some online tests, talked to lots of people, and i believe i am gifted in the area of teaching, and prophecy. i've heard rumor that everyone really has every gift, we just specialize in certain ones. if this is true, i should be able to do anything, and just focus on one or two or three. i've been baptized in the Holy Spirit, but i haven't spoken in tongues. i've had a few tiny prophetic experiences, nothing too bold or outrageous.

i find that people that we talked to on the streets are generally hurting people and are in need of healing, or some other miracle. i'd just like to know if i can have faith that my prayers for them will be answered.

Full Flannel Jacket

2006-05-28T20:40:00.000-04:00

there is no such thing as fruitless ministry. only good fruit and bad fruit. what is not beneficial can only be harmful.

is it harmful to think in only black and white? i almost don't want to believe that my faith holds any power or authority. yet i sing about moving mountains and forget that Peter walked on water. i must admit, Christianity to its full extent is unfamiliar territory. i need discipleship. i need tougher meat to chew. i need to interact with God on a new level. i want to know how to get to that secret place. i rationalize the mystery of God and seek purpose behind His miracles. if it is not good to move a mountain, it must be bad.

i want to see someone make a Holy Spirit felt puppet. i want to know what that looks like. and use it to teach a lesson explaining the Trinity.

"In every encounter we either give life or we drain it. There is no neutral exchange." - Brennan Manning

Avoiding Gossip

2006-05-24T23:15:00.000-04:00

when talking with christian peers about congregational affairs, remember:

"christian concern" resolves to correct an issue and looks for a way to confront the guilty party. anything else is borderline gossip. we need to be intentional.

Chokeslam

2006-05-15T13:57:00.000-04:00

i find it annoyingly difficult how my "zero-sum-mind" will allow me to think i have a firm grasp on a given theological subject, but when asked a simple question, i draw a blank. even if i am well rehearsed in a complete answer. often i find myself combating this when i teach sunday school. a battle of intellect is much like a wrestling match. if i block, i am momentarily unguarded in another area. in this new position, my mind is very busy determining my next plausible move. considering my options, their outcomes, my advantages, my weaknesses, and an eventual goal in mind - to pin you into submission.

what is it like to hear God's voice?

do not despair. it's only as hard as you think. if you don't think it's hard, it's not; and if you think it's hard, it is.

i believe God is absolutely capable of having a relative relationship with us. if i say, "God is good", this is an absolute statement; if i say, "God is good to me", i have made the statement relative to me. both are true statements. one is not less true than the other. sometimes i struggle to think that God loves me as much as someone who is more successful, or happy.

i find it annoyingly difficult how my "zero-sum mind" will allow me to think i have a firm grasp on a given subject, but when asked a simple question, i draw a blank. (a zero-sum game has winners and losers. if you believe that in order to make $100, someone else needs to lose $100; that’s zero-sum.)

if i dwell on the question, my humanness struggles to come up with an answer. "I don't know" is not satisfying enough for me. but if i focus on the direction of conversation, where it is going, what my options will be when i get there, what i know to be true... i can pin you into submission.

i believe God speaks to me. i believe it is in my thoughts - it even sounds like me. i believe i am created in God's image. made complete, fully capable of living independantly. i believe God wants me to make decisions in life. i believe, in my humanness, i am fully capable of interacting with God. i believe God manipulates my compassion when i ask Him. i believe God has given me control over my life.

this is all relative truth. but God wants to speak to you too.

Unchained Son

2006-05-08T16:57:00.000-04:00

the following is a testimony of a man whose story you may have heard, but never knew:

Jim is a thirty-something teacher to whom people are drawn. but Jim breaks all kinds of rules. he's confrontational, opinionated, filled with will-power.
he threatens to fight scoudrels who are making money off of religion, even grabbing their TV camera, a tool for this sordid gain, and smashing it to the ground, creating one long commercial break.

he has called his students dumb and dull, asking how much longer he'll have to endure their company.

in order to stem his influence, his enemies play word games and devise interview scenarios in which to embarrass him; he's so cunning and shrewd that he constantly shows them up instead. no one has the guts to talk the way he does. others talk like they understand God; Jim talks like he knows God. Jim forcefully disrupts the order of things and disregards convention. Jim's inappropriate.

he calls people bad names that "respectable men" never say. he verbally confronts one of his most powerful government officials. when Jim has faced an authority figure who, because of manufactured charges, could actually invoke the death penalty, Jim's slow-to-come responses have been obscure, searing, and disrespectful.

Jim doesn't mind his manners around important persons. Jim causes problems for society's respectable people. no wonder they want to pull him down.

in one public speech, to illustrate a profound spiritual truth, Jim has spoken of excrement going into a drain. he's colourful, but some think his language is too coarse for a spiritual leader, and the press has a field day: PREACHER OR POTTYMOUTH? YOU DECIDE.

he has told reporters that his mission isn't to discover or promote a lifetime of warm and cozy. au contraire: "i bring division and conflict! live as i say you should," he tells morning news shows over coffee and crumpets, and it may "tear your families apart!" then he states the obvious: "those who don't find me offensive will be blessed." who booked this guy? Regis wonders, glancing at security, hoping they're keeping a sharp eye. who in the world does he think he is? muse countless others.

Jim is sarcastic, sometimes bitingly so; he doesn't apologize. Jim goes to parties and hangs out with others who do. at least once he has supplied the wine, for free, during a wedding where children were likely present. drinks are on him, even though he knows he'll be accused of corrupting others and touting sinfulness. the bureaucrats and government workers with whom he spends time are the ones everybody else hates. Jim doesn't even shun mentally imbalanced devotees or politically leprous radicals.

many murmer and complain that they don't understand him. his own students sometimes won't ask him questions because they fear his response.

most religious leaders enjoy the attention of large crowds, but Jim's wary: he doesn't trust them, and he doesn't hide his distrust. he actually confronts empty compliments during public gatherings--not a seeker-friendly ministry approach. even though he still takes students, Jim's been unemployed for at least three years and doesn't even look for a job. he lives off handouts, owns no property, doesn't even have his own cardboard box to return to at night.

one choice that led to further attacks was Jim's allowing a prostitute--in public--to anoint him with rare and expensive oil that could have been used to feed the poor, support missionaries, or pay for part of a child's life-saving surgery. while his students and his opponents boiled with anger over this wasteful extravagance, Jim would not hear it denounced and had the audacity to say that whenever God's liberating message is preached, this one event will be mentioned favorably. the woman wiped Jim's feet with her own hair, a lure she has used to draw men to her bed, but he has no care for his reputation. the scandal of it all! hear the good folk gossip! film at eleven!

he warns his students that people will despise them. some will even be brought to court by blackmailers with unfair charges. Jim tells them to pay off the blackmailer before it goes that far. he instructs one student to sell some clothing in order to buy a weapon.
Jim, who's loving, kind, and compasionate, is not owned or influenced by fear and shame. still, he does all the above and more, which begs the question: do you think Jim's a "good Christian man"? is he a nice guy?

this is part of the life of Christ as recorded in the Gospels, but are you surprised by how foreign some of it looks? if we compare these actions of Jesus to the behavior expected of the average guy in most churches today--and, if we were honest--we'd say, absurdly, that Christ is not a "Christian." we wouldn't pray to him; we'd issue prayer requests for him.

something doesn't add up.

- Excerpt from Paul Coughlin's book: No More Christian Nice Guy

Irrational Grace

2006-04-18T13:33:00.000-04:00

do not scoff when a logical mind questions your faith. his inability to see the rationale behind the sacrifice of Christ is due to an unappreciation for the unreasonable. surely your laughter is infused by your childlike faith. and for this you are blessed. but to dismiss the seeker of knowledge is to withhold the key to the Kingdom of Heaven, which was freely given to you.

Mary, Did You Know?

2006-04-15T16:07:00.000-04:00

it's Easter weekend and i'm just not feelin' it this time around. the cross. the scars. i don't want to mourn. it's a time when our King conquered death, He didn't succumb to the depths of a grave. i am reminded that He rose again, with every intention of saving our lives so that we may rejoice and tell others. how many people get 'saved' after watching a Sunday morning Easter play? i think our caricature of a one-dimensional bearded white guy gets over-drawn. the message gets old. we try desperately to re-enact the trauma and resurrect a grieving calloused heart. maybe squeeze out another tear. then go home and watch football.

i don't want to keep ranting about this. i've already done that. i want to paint a new Da Vinci picture.

the other day i lost my sister. i was supposed to be at the church rehearsing for this Sunday's Easter play (i'm Judas). but i skipped out and went to Oakville with some friends. i got back to one of my friend's house, about 3 hours after Lydia was finished work. i called everyone who might know where she went, but nothing. so i went home to see if she was there. she wasn't. she left a message on my mom's answering machine, crying about weird creepy people around where she was. my grandma called the police to report her missing. i stayed at home to wait for phone calls and my mom to get home with the vehicle so i could go find her. my mom was freaking out by now. on our way to Simcoe, we got a call that she had been dropped off at home. she was found waiting outside the empty church building. needless to say, she was very mad at me.

in one instance of His childhood, Jesus disappeared during the Passover Feast. Mary and Joseph were frantically looking for Him among friends and relatives. after three days of searching, they found him in the temple back in Jerusalem. His mother said, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and i have been anxiously seraching for you." Jesus said, "Why were you searching for me? didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" (Luke 2:41-52)
i imagine countless times, Mother Mary tried to tauten the reigns of parental-influence on Jesus. but like a stubborn mule, He resisted. i think we've scratched out this picture of Mary. is she at fault? no. simply miscommunication with the Father, like we all have from time to time. Mary is the symbol of our inner struggle with a concept of God as an authoritative puppeteer with whom we are at constant tug of war for control of the marionette strings. while our lives are lived on stage, responding to God's direction. we don't like it.

while Jesus was talking to a crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. someone told him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak with you." Jesus replied, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" pointing to His disciples, he said, "here are my mother and my brothers. whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." (Matthew 12:46-50)

Jesus wasn't really much of a family man. He left His mother's house for the life of a homeless man. His family members even questioned His sanity. look what His instructions are for His followers: "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law -- a man's enemies will be the members of his own household." (Matthew 11:34-36). He gave children ammo, and gave parents an option: "teach your children to follow me, and they will obey you." (Paraphrased)

even when His mother and brother stood at the foot of the cross, weeping, He said to Mary, "dear woman, this is your son," and to his brother, "this is your mother." (John 19:25-27) as if to graciously remove Himself from the equation.

obviously, different people draw different conclusions from the scripture references i have provided, but i like mine. perhaps i am biased, maybe out of context. i do believe Jesus loved Mary, and chose to obey her because God wanted that. but to disregard the conflict of interest between Jesus and His family members would be to assume Jesus led an easy life, with a perfect upbringing. this might put Mary up on a pedestal? i believe Jesus relied heavily on His Heavenly Father to teach Him the ways of the world, and has made that option available to us as well.

Vim and Vigor

2006-04-15T15:03:00.000-04:00

i dusted off my old bike today. had to take advantage of this beautiful day. i remember as a kid i didn't think i could ever get as far as Jarvis. i went there and back in about an hour today. there's nothing like conquering childhood challenges.

sometimes i get lost in the complexity of life. the vibrancy fades from this pastel drawing. call me crazy but i think God is fascinated with His creation. maybe boastful at times. longing to show me the pages of His sketchbook. if God wasn't interested in the material substance of reality, why would He take so much care in creating it? why would He leave the blemishes of artistic signature in places so delicate and intimate if not to say "This is mine, I am indeed well pleased!" we see blemish and think of rubbish. much the same way a lucid mind will question the value of abstract art and ask "what's the point?" and go about his regular business, frustrated with limited ways to express himself.

if God wasn't interested, why spend the time working out the kinks of a functioning brain and life-giving heart and lungs? why baffle our simplistic minds with an unexplorable universe? if not to say, "You could not possibly know."

yet He thinks me fonder than all His other works of art.

For Those Who Are Thirsty.

2006-04-04T13:12:00.000-04:00

to be perfect is to be compassionate. this is righteousness beyond legalism. love people as they are; not as they should be.

to walk in liberty is to live the Gospel. this is to walk a fine line, not a path of rebellion. this necessity requires responsibility.

do not confuse the weaker brother for the younger. teach them to be strong and dangerous, not crippled and safe.

make your words soothing to the ear, but convicting to the heart. then you will be heard.

parables speak life to the eager, and stories to the cynic. this is how you hide pearls.

God's love is a great secret. it requires searching. this is Christianity.

Parables of Jesus

Jesus with the Samaritan woman at the well

Growing Seed

The Hidden Treasure

Laborers in the Vineyard

Man Going On a Far Journey

Marriage of the King's Son

Mustard Seed

Pearl

Pharisee and the Publican

Parable of the Pounds

Prodigal Son

The Rich Fool

The Rich Man and the Beggar Lazarus

Servants Waiting for Their Lord

The Sheep and the Goats

The Vine The Wicked Husbandmen

The Wise and the Foolish Builders

Love and Addiction

2006-03-29T23:27:00.000-05:00

i've been hard-pressed lately to share a new revelation that i believe is truth, but not widely accepted in most circles. i'm choosing to walk a finer line, and i pray that i'm not just infactuated with a controversial image. but i look at Jesus, and he was the most controversial man in history. so maybe i'm onto something.

yesterday i was walking downtown Simcoe, pondering things, and i noticed a woman running around proclaiming to random aquaintances (i assume) that she was snacking on a bag of chips. seems kooky, i know. don't worry, it gets better. she was holding a bag of spinach. "I tell myself it's chips" she said. obviously this lady was dealing with an addiction in a rather bizarre way. but it got me thinking: is this diversion actually beneficial? she's only deceiving herself to produce a better choice of craving. i think we often do this. but in the end, is it what we tell ourselves we're eating, or what our tongue tastes that we begin to crave? i would hope that it's the latter. but i doubt this is the case.

i've heard it said that when a person is thirsty, it is not water that they crave, but the nutrients in the water that our body needs. the body sends a signal to the brain, which translates to a container formula that is identifiable to the tongue, as well as edible. it makes sense, to think that what tastes good to the tongue is good for the body. God is responsible for that phenomenon. but chocolate tastes better than cabbage, c'mon!

now for the controversial bit...

Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Matthew 16:24) this is a complicated verse. challenging, provocative, and seemingly impossible. what does it mean to deny oneself? i'll start by explaining firstly what it isn't: it isn't denying reality. if i tell myself i'm moving forward, but really i'm stuck in the mud, i'm outright lying to myself. my actions tell me better, what i'm doing and what i'm not doing. sometimes i need a second opinion to see my error. secondly, it isn't antipathy. Brennan Manning coined the term "Imposter" to represent the inner struggle with sin. he says, "Hatred of the imposter is actually self-hatred. The imposter and I constitute one person." once we accept who we are, sin and all, we can accept Christ. once we love ourselves, we can love God. denying oneself means to take opposition toward fleshly desires... confused? how is this different than self-hatred as i described it? simple: love your enemies.

i think admitting you have a problem is the first step to overcoming an addiction. you can't change what you don't acknowledge. this is all cliche advice.

the second step is to surrender. accept your depravity and inability to correct your habit. John Kuypers says, "Whether it is smoking, over-eating, over-working, alcohol, dope, sex or gambling, your addiction is your biggest opportunity to develop your own compassion and trust in God to do His work and show His great love for you." God actually wants you to give up and let Him take over.

the third step is to turn away from sin. this is the "taking up the cross" bit. obviously this has a death connotation to it: dying to oneself. go and sin no more. Jesus retorted this to the worst of sinners.

the fourth step is to now remove the speck from your brother's eye (Luke 6:42) i think this verse also a much deeper meaning than it first appears. it holds the process of "removing a plank" as a prerequisite to discerning steps to be taken to help a brother. Jesus meant for us to undergo the admission, submission, compassion, and repression needed in order to conquer sin. and to tell others how to do it. there is a huge lesson to be learned here; unless you're willing to demonstrate all these to a fellow believer, you have no right to judge. and even then, Jesus said, "You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with the Father, who sent me." (John 8:15-17).

God help me

2006-03-29T23:23:00.000-05:00

God help me to love my freakin' enemies.

Humor Me

2006-03-20T12:38:00.000-05:00

so i'm 21 years old as of March 16th. i feel slightly older now. highschool seems like it ended a decade ago. yet i surround myself with 17- yr olds. kind of strange, perhaps inappropriate now. i mean, i enjoy their company, and we have fun, but i feel pressured to find new friends. obligated to grow up. move out. get a girlfriend. this just seems weird that i've been there, done that (minus the g/f), and returned home to the highschool crowd. maybe what i feel God has called me to is unrealistic. unreasonable. maybe i was wrong and now i'm wasting my time. i'm just hard pressed to get a life. it's just that whenever i get up to leave, i find out i've already attached my heart to something else. it sucks you in. tells you that you can't leave. not now. i wonder if this is inevitable no matter where i go. and if that's the case, i can't be afraid of it. because i'll fit in somewhere else.

i've felt for the longest time that i was called to youth ministry. now i don't know anymore. young-adult ministry doesn't really appeal to me either. maybe it's just their lack of interest that is discouraging. i just want to make my film this summer and get out of here. i feel this is unfinished. and that's frustrating.

i think i'm just in love with the idea of leaving. i don't really want to leave, i don't have anywhere to go. but i don't feel needed. appreciated. or really wanted. that is an irrational reason to leave, though. i want a different life. i like who i am inside, but nothing else. sorry none of this is really poetic, or encouraging, but i'm totally drained. i should be praying more, and reading more, and listening more. maybe i'll just end this miserable post now. just had to get that out.

I run, You fly... Brilliant

2006-03-07T17:49:00.000-05:00

Take me with you

Run on air

Carry my burden

Lest I don't get there

Beneath your talons

Remove my dignity

On your wings

Share with me divinity

Funny How Blessings Come

2006-03-07T16:47:00.000-05:00

yes, i'm back. or maybe you have not noticed. i've been away from home for almost two weeks now. bumming around town, crashing at friends' places here and there. my mom got a flat tire in Hamilton, and our van has been in the shop, had some framework done, some alignment, anyway, it's been a mess. but i am home now, and very glad to be. might i recommend the new Mutemath CD. i ordered it online a while back and it was here when i came home. along with the NOOMA soundtrack. also fantastic.

i'm finding that anywhere i go, whatever i do, my circumstances are made painfully aware to me. it's annoying, to say the least. let me elaborate.

funny how blessings come, guised as curses. this is a recurring surreality. i find myself resentful of anything given to me, free of charge or service. i want to earn my happiness. yet God will not grant me that satisfaction to my ego. i'm not sure i want to share every impudent circumstance i find this nested in. i just don't want to accept blessings. and i know it's my pride in the way of that. because some blessings bring me to humility. i think i should pray for more of these. but i find my prayers more dedicated to passing my blessings on to others. i think now God is showing me that's not what He wants for me. rather, He wants me to cherish the gifts He gives.

my friend Matt and i ran into an old friend from highschool the other day. he's having a kid in about 20 days. it was unexpected, but we congratulated him anyway. name will be Christopher. funny how blessings come.

i feel like God is moving me to a new place. in the wake of Easter, i've been spending a lot of time observing the man of Jesus. of course, this is an ongoing thing for me, but lately i've been intrigued by His character. learning how to imitate Him. word has it He was a man of great sorrow. this is because when He came into contact with the poor and sick, He carried their burdens. i wonder about this. to bear the sin of the entire world. how that would affect a man.

it's truly perplexing to think that we as christians are called to carry eachother's burden. not just pray for one another, but intercede for them. lately i'm noticing that negative prayers have more of an effect than positive prayers. praying against crisis. against sickness. against temptation. rather than for happiness. for healing. for freedom. i think it's more of a nip-the-bud technique. it allows God to work freely without the constraint of your will. praying that His will be done, His way. in His timing. i think this is closer to God's heart. i think God wants us to have more of an activist role in His work, and less of a passive tone. and i think God wants us to notice when our prayers are answered. and rejoice with Him.

Short and Sweet

2006-02-16T09:24:00.000-05:00

when one accepts that ignorance is bliss, the possibilities and conclusions to be drawn are endless. in a state of bliss, one is not faced with obstacles, but has already overcome them. one does not contemplate but has already decided. it is a state of serenity. peace of mind. peace, coupled with joy. why the distinction? can i have peace without joy? or joy without peace? is either really an object of aspiration without a foretaste of the other?

if ignorance leads to complacency, when does this become bliss? is bliss a sinful desire? does God want us to have peace and joy?

okay, this is something i beleive i have already come to a realization on. God wants to divert our attention to Him, rather than our situation. so is God being the object of our distraction, thus promoting ignorance? are christians out of sync with the world because our focus is Christ? is this a good thing?

i think there is more to the equation. we are called to love the world, not ignore it. we are called to be a light, not to wear infared goggles.

is there an alternative to ignorance? if so, is there a higher cause and effect? once we validate Christ as a reason to harness this serendipity, the burden is lifted. bliss is not a sinful desire, but a precious need. ignorance is temporal bliss. Christ is eternal bliss.

Prayer Request

2006-02-16T08:41:00.000-05:00

please pray for my cousin. she's in the hospital, not sure what exact details are. pray it isn't life-threatening.

Music Blog #2 || mewithoutYou

2006-02-14T23:59:00.000-05:00

"Catch For Us The Foxes" -mewithoutYou

Jeremy Tremblay wrote Walked Away(mp3). it will bring a tear to your eye. guaranteed. oh, and i will also mention, Jeremy graciously stepped into the recording studio with me for a collaborative demo. or, i should say, i went to his house and recorded that song i wrote and sang at the NCCF winter retreat ("Side A"). but this is top-secret information. don't go spilling all over the web about this production, now.

i've fallen in love with this band mewithoutYou. i'm not sure how to describe them, possibly poetry-core or something. sounds kinda like R.A.T.M. meets CAKE. i dunno. anyway, they have some good songs to download: Bullet to Binary(mp3); Gentlemen(mp3)

my old roomie, Andrew Primmer, is up to his old antics in his hilarious new video, Kung Fu Madness(wmv)... i know, i was going to make a seasonal 'mp3 blog', but i couldn't pass this up. it's really funny. i luv it! i luv it!

anyway, hope you all had an enjoyable V-day. i celebrated with a heart-shaped cookie at work.

My Embrace

2006-02-05T09:19:00.000-05:00

i can't stand this. i feel like my life is on repeat. i keep asking the same questions over and over, trying to come to different conclusions... for the sole purpose of changing my mind again, and again. like repainting a canvas with all that old paint underneath. somehow it still shows through. not really sure what i'm trying to describe here, just my display of raw emotion. i am contending with apathy now. i want God to take everything away from me. beauty, pride, joy... take things that are dear to me. so i can relearn what it means to be thankful.

i try to represent Christ. but all that comes across is my self-consciousness. guarding my heart. analyzing myself. second-guessing my actions. analyzing myself again. it gives me a headache. advice says, "just be yourself." it proves rather frustrating when it's your self that you're trying to kill. kill this self-righteousness and pity. take away my better judgment so that i may learn to forgive and forget. kill my senses. let me become numb to the pain of reformation.

reason will only validate a need. my reason is Christ. i need morality. i need unconditional love. i need something to live for. i need acceptance. i need forgiveness. i need progression.

random thought: there are plenty of fish in the sea. but my lure is caught in the weeds of an irrigation pond.

i signed up to be on the worship team at church today. i don't know what this means for me. it's something i used to help my mom with. maybe i want to induce more discipline in my life. more restrictions. more commitments.

this oddity of joy proves rather amusing. need i say, my last sentence is redundant. i get stuck at a traffic light, and burst out laughing. excuse my pizzahut-lingo, but when there's 40 bills up and the make table is a sea of chaos, i am ecstatic. technical mistakes in music stimulate passion.

"when the Spirit meets the flesh, it is a beautiful collision" - David Crowder.

one thing i've been thinking a lot about lately is this metaphysical sensation: conjoining of the senses. for example, tasting red. seeing heat. hearing pain. when we worship, we have this interaction with God's Spirit. and it is coupled with overwhelming passion.

i have this burning desire to be able to read a book while i sing to music. being one-track minded, this is virtually impossible for me. i can't split my attention to share two sources of information exchange. it's like breathing in through your mouth, and out your nose simultaneously. they cancel eachother out, and you stop breathing. your lungs do not function, so the oxygen transfer is pointless.

now that you're experimenting with your nose and mouth, allow me to continue...

why do we worship? to glorify God. to interact with the Spirit. right. i don't want to poison your mind with my next comparison, so this is a forewarning: don't read too much into this.

God gave us marriage, to exemplify how we are to interact with Him. a relationship that is consummated by venerating eachother, showing the highest execution of love known to man. this may seem rather misplaced and awkward, when in conjunction with my last post displaying God as a father-figure. but our understanding of God is that He desires to be the ultimate satisfaction to every need. He is our be-all and end-all. He is our everything.

this upsets a lot of christians, because they don't want Jesus to be their boyfriend. they suggest that this image of God is too intimate, and that God is to be revered above all else. i'm not disqualifying that Christ wants to be revered, but the marriage scenario doesn't undermine this. at least, in a Biblical sense.

"In one blinding moment of salvific truth, Christianity became no longer merely a moral code, an ethic, or a philosophy of life, but a love affair." - Brennan Manning: Above All

i am thoroughly convinced that God desires an intimate relationship with us. and when we limit ourselves to lip-service, a good deed now and then, and a warm pew, we're missing out. surely, all that we can ever achieve is merely inadequate. but God is still exuberantly pleased. much like the delight a father has in a child's finger-painting, God not only knows our limitations, He embraces them.

Arms of Love

2006-02-02T01:16:00.000-05:00

in my storm, You are patient...

sometimes, we want God to hear our cries. we want attention. we want to feel loved. such a simple concept; do what i want You to do.

my dad often reminisces about a time when i was a baby, i was sitting on a pew in a church service, next to my dad's gym bag. my dad loked down and saw me sucking on his stick of deodorant. needless to say, he took it away from me. i hope i don't need to connect the dots for you...

when parents give their child everything and anything they want, whenever they want, we call them bad parents. we say they spoil their child. we say they do their child a disservice by giving them everything for nothing.

"When you want something really bad, God's the one who ignores you."

so let me go a different direction with this... because the preceding only applies to christians. we have a dilemma. we have a God who knows what's best for us, but evidently, He doesn't know what's best for amputees, handicaps, orphans, or poverty-stricken countries. we're talking about children, here. innocent, guiltless children. that have no greater dream than just to be given a chance to live life.

i'm a big believer in this concept: "if scrutiny is my wrecking ball, adding a few more bricks to a condemned building isn't going to save it."

Courtney Love's father force-fed her LSD from the age of four. He would also take some himself, then paint on her naked body and watch her run around in an entertainingly confused state. she said, "if my parents showed me unconditional love, i would have a better chance for survival." i suppose this wouldn't be the most strategic spot to start talking about God's unconditional love... nonetheless, let me explain how God 'loves the little children of the world.' God created us to love us...

i was sitting in the car yesterday, staring out the window waiting for my mom to come out of a shop. i watched as a mother walked down the sidewalk carrying a baby. the baby looked happy. most times when i notice a baby in public, it's because the baby is crying. certainly, the first thought that goes through my head isn't "wow, that baby must really be loved." it's more often than not, "that mother must feel embarrassed, surely she doesn't want people to see her baby upset."

has God heard our cry for help? has He seen our pain? has He ignored us?

in a drastic attempt to soothe a baby in public, a mother will use this tactic: distract the baby with a toy, and promise a reward for behavior upon home arrival.

quite brilliant, really. what is God's gift? Jesus. what is the reward? a crown. where is home? Heaven.

of course, these are all but distractions to achieve a greater purpose: to love God. to obey God. so why does God present Himself as the only answer to this world's problems? because He wants to love us.

yes, we will suffer in this world. God understands that. Jesus experienced that. but evil only corroborates the existence of God. here's a fun little argument for you to ponder. if it doesn't suffice, at least it's an entertaining puzzle:

An argument for God's existence based on the existence of evil
1) If God does not exist, then objective moral principles do not exist.(6) 2) If evil exists, then objective moral principles do exist. 3) Evil exists. 4) Therefore, objective moral principles do exist.(2 & 3) 5) Therefore, God exists.(1 & 4) -- [excerpt from http://www.iamnext.com/spirituality/suffering.html]

(No) Construction Ahead

2006-01-26T13:59:00.000-05:00

if you are right, you can still be foolish; but if you are wise, no-one will say you're wrong.

i like to make people think. in fact, i like to be right. it's funny how i say that, as i often consider myself one to admit when i am wrong. but for me to admit that, i must see extensive research to prove it. or just listen to my mom. she seems to take great pride in proving me wrong through debate. it's all in love, so i enjoy the debate despite the outcome.

but when a fundamental-faith value comes into question, i tend to throw my bias in favor of christian heresy. and this makes me ignorant. the results are chaotic. and i believe ther are many people like this.

forgive me, i try to make my faith reasonable. rational, sometimes. i cannot have faith in faith alone. i like to test things before i acknowledge certainty. but i believe God does confound the wise. perhaps i am reading too much into this, but when we take a pedantic stance against the world and argue unlovingly 'til we're blue in the face, i think God sheds some more light on whatever our cause may be. He gives us an even bigger picture. and in doing so, He proves us wrong. this is a great irony. God somehow glorifies Himself by proving christians wrong. telling us to just shut up and love one another. i don't believe this applies to every situation, God clearly sets a standard for how to live, and what gods we should not revere.

karma, in its most basic form, is biblical. God thought of it first. "do unto others as you would have them do to you."

there is ample evidence for a very old earth and galaxy. but this does not negate God. perhaps it makes the creation story more elegant. if someone is willing to follow Jesus, who are we to set unreasonable standards for them to do so?

some truths are still sin. too much alcohol will get you drunk. cutting wrists will make you bleed. but these are not opponents to God's acceptance and forgiveness.

sometimes i want to take credit for the things God does. sometimes i want to justify the irrational decisions i make in life. God often calls me to take a detour when there's no construction in sight.

Evolution... revisited

2006-01-25T05:57:00.000-05:00

i know, i know, it's flippin' 6 am. maybe that can attest to my new conviction. perhaps you are a veteran reader of my blog and have witnessed this post and have seen my grade 12 arguments presented in essay format as to the question of evolution and my fundamentalist claims.

well, i haven't made up my mind yet, but this thread has provided some radical insight for my Creationist viewpoint. i'm not sure. i'm honestly not sure. this doesn't change my christian faith, as my faith is not based on my understanding of a 6 day creation. it appears as though the Evolutionist view has evolved into Intelligent Design, and i almost regret having moved on from the debates and inquiry. the contending worldviews seem to have eradicated my previous stance, for which i am eternally grateful. science seems to have moved on from the Creationist-Evolutionist debate. one thing that has not changed is the faulty data still being distributed in textbooks.

in case you are wondering, i believe the Bible to be infallible and inerrant. i believe science can provide evidence for this, but like everything else, science cannot prove anything.

Humility: An Observation

2006-01-22T01:41:00.000-05:00

Tenzin Gyatso, The 14th Dalai Lama

hum·ble (hũm'bel)

adj. hum·bler, hum·blest

1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.

2. Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.

3. Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage.

tr.v. hum·bled, hum·bling, hum·bles

1. To curtail or destroy the pride of; humiliate.

2. To cause to be meek or modest in spirit.

3. To give a lower condition or station to; abase. See Synonyms at degrade.

[Middle English, from Old French, from Latin humilis, low, lowly, from humus, ground; see dhghem- in Indo-European roots.]

over the past few months, i've been struggling with the true meaning of humility. what does it mean to be humble? what is the opposite of arrogance and pride? in my attempt to imitate a form of humility, i am afraid that i have only redefined it. my version of humility looked more like self-pity. or denial of my ability. and in doing this, i felt fake. and that was frustrating. because it seemed that no matter what i do, i appear to be prideful. even in stating that, i somehow take pride in acknowledging that i'm proud. and then feel a need to explain myself. figure that one out.

recently, Barbera Walters did a documentary called, "Heaven: Where Is It? How Do We Get There?" where she conversed with numerous leaders of various faiths. one being His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. i observed this man and the position he took when asked, "the Tibetans claim that you are a god. is this true? are you enlightened?" his response, "no! i am not enlightened. i do not know what will happen tonight, or tomorrow, i can barely remember what happened yesterday. my eyes have bad vision. if i was a god, would i need glasses? ...i am just a teacher."

okay, there is an obvious christian response to this interview. but for the moment, i want to skip that. because what i find to be so attractive about this man's character is his denial of his given title. is this humility? is humility really just acknowledging that your reputable identity is a lie? this is upsetting to me. because to mimick his realization would mean denial of my identity, which is found in Christ. and with that being the foundation of my faith, i know this to be absolutely true: i have been born again. can i have pride in truth? the truth is that my self-inflicted shortcoming is worthless. yet Jesus' death on the cross has saved my from my sin.

i suppose the scriptural summation of this would be (Galations 6:14) "May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

as well as Paul's vision in 2 Corinthians 12:1-10.

Goodnight

2006-01-18T02:55:00.000-05:00

i must say, i have been blessed by God today. God has been doing many things in my family's life as of late, and i can't give any credit to anyone other than God for their happenings. should i be thrilled? what is the correct manner of expressing gratitude to God? i am rather shocked by what has happened, and i can only imagine God's ecstatic delight in doting on a loved one. namely, me. my mom is more into the blessings-tallying than i am, so needless to say, she is very excited for me.

i have received a new bed. yes, a mattress and box-spring. and did i stress new? i'm not one to complain, or at least throw a tantrum, but i've been brawling with an old spring mattress since i came home from college. i don't know who gave me this new one. truly, i have no information other than that a pastor of a church in waterford which my mom attends (not i) called our house yesterday with a bed, wondering when a good time was for us to pick it up. i suppose my mom told them i was in need of a bed. i've been looking to buy one for some time now. but mattresses are costly. and that coerced me back to coping with my old one. but apparently God thought i needed one now. which i am content with. in fact, i am looking forward to a good night's sleep. that said, goodnight.

Turkish Delight

2006-01-16T02:42:00.000-05:00

Turkish Delight

how to i bring myself to test God's abounding grace? o, how i detest this rotting carcass of a body i have been given. how do i live in a lended shell, only to continually betray my brethren for turkish delight? so foul. so disgraceful. in the end my tongue is sweet, my hands sticky. traces of my crime lie everywhere i touch. who committed this crime? the one with sticky hands. how will you judge me? will you accept me. what are the conditions? if i continue to indulge my fat body with sweets. surely not. if i promise to turn from my wicked ways, perhaps. yet the smell awakens me. it heightens my senses. i am dumbfound. i must have this. so delectable. hinder me, o God. wake me up from this dream.

provide an exit from this plague of mirages in my desert. i am thirsty. i know what i want, i know the satisfaction of my cravings. Your water that never runs dry. but your springs are found deep. and i am too tired to dig. Lord give me strength. save me from myself. why do i not pray this when my eyes are fixated on this dream of lush. the greenery so intense. so inviting. this tree of knowledge. its fruit, hypnotic. o God, why do i never pray for a shovel in these times. i long for a drink, yet lack energy and motivation to turn my eye from this delusional counterfeit. why am i afraid to call it what it is?

i pose for a picture. a backdrop behind me. yet i give no thought to what page-turners of my future photo album will see. i can make up my reality. deception. is it nothing more? tear down the backdrop to reveal the crack in the white washed wall behind me. take off the filter to reveal the stale, green halogens illuminating from overhead. this is where i am. nothing appealing here. better yet, wait until my smile wears off. reveal my inner beauty of inattentiveness. o God, restore my inner joy. let my peace be found in You.

Christian culture eludes true emotion, unfortunately. shouldn't we all walk a fine line?

i believe there are a lot of christians who don't know what direction they are headed. so intimidated by the ones who do.

40 Days

2006-01-09T00:46:00.000-05:00

today i started reading my Bible. i'm on a mission: to read the entire Bible in 40 days. that's right, by the end of February, 2006. it started as a make-shift newyears' resolution. then it turned into a challenge - matt and i were going to do it together. and now it has become an accountability group project. complete with an online forum. should be interesting. i am hoping that this messageboard will spark some discussion, as i am sure many biblical questions will arise. should be a fun endeavor. and if we succeed, even better! if you would like to accept the challenge, make it a new years' resolution to read your entire Bible in 40 days, join our online community! just click Register to sign up and create a profile, and start on day 1. if you are a Bible-scholar, or a skeptic, this will be both profound and fulfilling, i am sure. the Bible will change your life. and if it doesn't, at least you have the ammo of saying you've read it.

In the Next Room

2006-01-03T02:13:00.000-05:00

lately i've been discouraged. not a very nice way of starting a new year, but sometimes i want to stare out the back window of a car, and watch the road disappear behind me... listen to a cd and single out the invisible voice of a backup vocalist and recognize the beauty of harmony... try every scenario of a puzzle, avoiding the solution merely to discover every possible way to come to the wrong answer... i want to roll down a hill, but it's winter... i'm eager to say i've lived life, but i have not lived it yet... i want to have children, but but the math requires a piece of chalk and a chalkboard... if only life were that simple. why are God's ways not our ways? why does He require of us what does not come naturally?

why do i care to not smell like a perspiring human? what makes profanity offensive? why must i mourn the death of a loved one?

sometimes my best medicine is my dog. she loves her walks, and getting fed at 6:00. for my dog, life is simple. she would not recognize my deep, inner turmoil, or the complexity of my life, but she recognizes my face when i walk in the door. she knows the smell on my pant leg if i've been around another dog. she instinctively knows when dinner time is. how do i love such an ignorant, selfish animal? morally, my dog is corrupt. she is not considerate, empathetic, hospitable, or virtuous in any way.

i continually come into contact with people who want answers to questions. they want advice. they want to be told what to do. they want someone to understand them.

My dog, Annie

if i told my dog that the bag where her food is kept lies in the next room, gave her a leash and a scoop to take with her on her walks, showed her where her dog shampoo is, and then left for a 2 month vacation, i would come home to a dead dog. my dog has not developed opposable thumbs to open the door to her food, or developed a sense of human tolerance to walk herself without coming into contact with other dogs and violating someone's property rights, or able to determine when she smells too much like a dog and needs a bath. i would then be faced with animal cruelty charges.

often i feel like the answers i give to people's questions are unsatisfying. the advice i give is irrelevant. i fail to empathise with them. i feel like a dog who knows where the food is, but i can't open the door.

i fear a new movement in christianity is on the rise: relevance without godliness. christians trying to relate to everyone's problems, but failing to give God's divinity justice. agreeing that christians have bad taste in music. that we look foolish when we worship. that striving for holiness looks like arrogance. if we see someone confused about direction for their life, we tell them to pray more. if we meet someone with an addiction, we tell them to quit. if we find someone struggling financially, we tell them to tithe.

christians have a habit of saying uncool things. ever have a conversation with someone, and bring up God, and watch them as they get this glazed look over their eyes? i get discouraged. immediately what comes to mind is that they've heard it before. they've tried it and it doesn't work. it's like i can see where they're coming from, build up to a climax where i'm going to offer some deep, philosophical solution, and i bring up God. a beautiful letdown.

i think we need to re-establish what godliness means. godliness means humility. what does it look like? is it something that is desirable? 2 Peter 1:3-8 talks about making one's calling and election sure. adding to your faith. a systematic breakdown on how to become an effective, productive christian. it is some of the best advice i have received. we talk about christianity like it's a breeze through life on a white, puffy cloud, without a care in the world. we tell people about the hole in their heart that is immediately filled with the acceptance of Christ. yet we see 80% of born-again believers fall away from God. we see children raised in christian homes going off to college and leaving church behind. do we keep these statistics in the dark? are we embarrassed by what the records show? somehow Christ's "unfailing love" has failed a lot of people. either that, or they never found it in the first place. i tend to believe the latter.

sadly, people have heard where the kibble lies. they've even heard about the master who opens the door. how do they get His attention?

My Theological Worldview

2005-12-27T02:33:00.000-05:00

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
93%
Fundamentalist
82%
Emergent/Postmodern
68%
Charismatic/Pentecostal
64%
Neo orthodox
54%
Classical Liberal
54%
Reformed Evangelical
54%
Roman Catholic
36%
Modern Liberal
11%

What's your theological worldview?

created with QuizFarm.com

Music Blog #1 || Ba-rum-pum-pum-pum

2005-12-26T03:40:00.000-05:00

i've decided that i need some tradition in my life. so, starting now, every holiday i will post an official "mp3 blog". yes, that's right. free music. for all of you. it's my gift. ha!

anyways, it's christmas. this blog entry will include some emerging bands that i have stumbled upon and encountered. recently i've been on the hunt for new music. how do i go about this? a lot of browsing, and free, legal download sites [MySpace, PureVolume]. mp3 blogs are becoming quite popular as well [http://drop7.com/mp3s/]. i have no current desire to turn my blog into one of these, but i like the idea. and i figured since i make use of other people's mp3 blogs, maybe i could share some of my discoveries as well.

Brennan Strawn is a solo artist from New York. his song Lose It All(mp3) is absolutely beautiful. check out his MySpace profile for more music.

i came across Flyleaf's song Perfect(mp3) through an email newsletter. their influences include Incubus, Rage Against The Machine, Foo Fighters, and Nirvana. check them out on MySpace too.

Mute Math, formerly known as Earthsuit, is apparently busy working on a new album. they pre-released a brand new song on their MySpace. it's called Chaos(mp3) and it's downloadable for a limited time! so get it quickly while it's available.

Rob Bell and his infamous NOOMA series has just released an official soundtrack, which is really worth listening to. an omission to his list of songs is a band called The Album Leaf. i believe they were featured on his LUMP video. anyways, you can hear what they sound like from their song One Day I'll Be On Time(mp3).

from Ontario comes Uneven Ground. i saw them at a show in Simcoe, actually. pretty cool. listen to Angels Wept(mp3). influences include Pantera, Killswitch Engage, Alice in Chains, and Dreamtheatre... to name a few. they're on MySpace as well.

anyways, i've been up all night. i hope you enjoy these tunes!

Heavenly Ham

2005-12-25T00:45:00.000-05:00

tonight i attended my grandparents' annual Christmas party. i was asked to say the blessing for dinner too. we had ham, scallop potatoes, cabbage salad, jello, peas, and lasagna.

anyways, so i had to pray. and ask God to bless our meal. let me tell you, i wanted to scream. why, you may ask? because i was remembering something scriptural about eating unclean animals, and that it was an abomination to God. so i checked this. Deuteronomy 14:3-20. i was about to ask God to bless an unclean animal, which He has already cursed. this was scary for me. because i did not know the rules for such things, or if it was strictly Old Testament, or if it only applied to Jews, or what.

i was beside myself, deafening my ears to my own prayer. i just thanked God for a bunch of stuff, family, Christmas, freedom, what-have-you. then it came. "thank you for this meal." i shook my head in my thoughts. i was disgusted. mind you, i was well aware that i cooked up some mean bacon last night, and enjoyed it thoroughly. i love bacon. i love ham. i'm canadian. leave me alone... with my bacon.

so maybe i was being a little over-dramatic. i mean, it's christmas. we eat what we're given. plus, there are much more important things than what you eat, right? so i came home and checked this. here you go, a little Acts 10:9-23 for you to look at.

there you have it, folks. all meat, clean or unclean, hooved or not hooved, delectable or revolting, bacon or ham. all good. it's all good. our God is evidently sane. as well as omniscient. worthy of praise, because He knows how good bacon really is. so thank Him.

oh, and for those contradiction conspirators, this is simply one of the many changes to the law instated by Jesus. Orthodox Jews do not eat meat, because they still abide by the old law and the Torah. why? because they are taught that the new testament is hate-literature. they do not believe Jesus to be anything more than a con. they're still waiting for their messiah. the Son of Man. sadly, they have missed it. because they cannot accept that He would have a problem with their legalistic tradition. that He would heal a blind man on a Sunday. or that He would fill their holy water vessels with wine. or that He would be born in a cow trough in Bethlehem, or crucified naked on a cross with a crown of thorns.

oh, and by the way, Merry Christmas... or Happy Holidays... or Season's Greetings... honestly, who cares if the government decides to call it "holiday season"? i mean, Dec. 25 was originally a pagan holiday of feasts, celebrating winter solstice. most scholars think Jesus was born around the end of September. but, with commercialized st. nicholas, and popular western culture, i don't see a dire need to make a change. as for me and my house, Jesus is the reason for the season. if He's not anyone else's reason, so be it. it's not a religious statute. evidently, it's not like God will smite you or anything. unless you're Jewish.

Creationist Cosmology

2005-12-21T15:05:00.000-05:00

i've become fascinated with this idea of creationist cosmology. for those of you who would like to know what i'm talking about, read this.

most of the explanation of how this theory works looks like french to me. i'm not educated in it, and do not wish to give 7 hour seminars on how it works.

D. Russell Humphreys, Ph.D. seem sto be the forerunner in this theory and research. so i wanted to see what skeptics say about him. they have trouble with a lot of things just "happening" as an effect of their naturalistic viewpoint. yet Humphreys relies on divine intervention and belief in a God to explain away changes in the speed of light, white-holes, etc. again, most of it is french to me, but i've read his book "Starlight and Time" in which he recites key elements of Genesis 1 and paraphrases with his own research. this, to me, strengthens my belief that there is truth to this theory.

on the flip-side, cosmology is a term that skeptics are comfortable with as well. it fully supports the Big Bang theory. this is where i am truly intrigued. i love debate.

i guess my question is, has anyone else done research on this theory, have any thoughts, qualms, and arguments for or against it? it's difficult for me to base my faith on something i cannot fully grasp, as i'm sure many christians have this problem. creationists in the past have used embarrassing lack of judgment and neglect of observation. basically, i want to be sure that cosmology (apparently formulated in '94) is still a valid and firmly structured argument. i mean, to be skeptic for a second, if this theory is so great, why did i not find out about it until 11 years after it was discovered? why aren't we taught this in christian circles? why don't we pose this as an answer to questions raised about the foundations of the earth?

Live or Die

2005-12-16T15:46:00.000-05:00

i am a frequent poster on the Relevant Magazine messageboard. the other day i came across this posted topic: CONSIDERING EXCHANGING MYSELF FOR A HOSTAGE. i clicked on the heading, and sure enough, it was someone's valiant contemplation of 'martyrdom'. this person was seeking guidance, and encouragement through my favourite messageboard. soon enough it became a hot topic among the patrons of Relevant. it was like a suicide helpline, where people are both giving you scriptural reasons to do it, and not to do it. scary! so i offered my two cents.

today i went back to the topic to see if he responded. he did. after many, many posts. so he didn't single out anyone. but he had a new understanding of the call on his life to live for Christ. i thought this was awesome. he changed the title of his post to "NO LONGER [original heading]. this was encouraging to me. it reaffirmed my understanding of God's calling on my life. it reaffirmed that my life has meaning. i don't think that my post changed this man's life, many other people made valid points. but i have a testimony. it may not be my initial decision to accept Jesus as my Savior, because it was nothing dramatic. my testimony began when i decided to live for Him.

And Then Some

2005-12-13T01:08:00.000-05:00

i have attended at least nine different churches in my lifetime. each one very different. one thing that stands out to me is the variation in worship. i have seen churches experience revival. growth. expansion. church-plants. church-splits. authority conflict. leadership scandals. among other things, one thing is consistent: the hypocrisy.

but i have realized that God loves the hypocritical church. He loves those who betray Him. the ones who are two-faced. the ones who don't practice what they preach.

this is a very difficult conclusion to make: that God is pleased with their offering. their worship. He blesses them. He heals them. He answers their prayers.

how do i know this? because i'm a hypocrite. i've betrayed Him. i've worn masks. i've failed to practice my own doctrine. yet i see the Hand of God over my life. i can count many blessings in my life.

why do we worship? why can we worship? because we've been justified in Christ by our acceptance of His sacrifice. (Galatians 2:16). we will never be more justified than we are right now. therefore, come as you are, lay your burdens down, worship because of what He did, not because of what you want Him to do. we don't prompt God to take action. we respond to God. if we desire earthly (sinful) things, we prompt the devil. because we have already conquered it (sin), we can easily access it. go back to it. likewise, if we experience God, we can easily go back to that experience. because we know what it looks like. make your election sure (2 Peter 1:10). God chose us. it's our responsibility to respond. we've been bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). therefore, if we desire a blessed life and relationship with God, it's not an option--it's a requirement.

there's nothing like a hypocritical message to teach you not to judge. do not define the character of a christian by the struggles in his life, but by the fruit he bears.

The Great Rescue

2005-12-10T11:23:00.000-05:00

okay, maybe you will be able to tell i didn't write the following. truth is, i read it in a book and found it to put me in a place where i could truly see my own life through God's eyes. Paul claimed to be the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15).

The face that Moses Had begged to see-was forbidden to see-was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow...."On your back with you!" One raises a mallet to sink the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the son do "all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17).

The victim wills that the soldier live on-he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm-the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless-the nerves perform exquisitely. "Up you go!" They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe. But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread.

He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being-the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot. His Father! He must face his Father like this! From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross.

Never has the son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The son does not recognize these eyes.

"Son of man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped-murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten-fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk-you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp-buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves-relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?"

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.
"Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!"

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.The Trinity planned it. The son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished.

- Excerpt from Steven Estes and Joni Eareckson Tada's book: When God Weeps

Cost Nothing, Worth Nothing

2005-12-08T02:16:00.000-05:00

check this out:

Matthew 7:13-14 "The Narrow and Wide Gates"
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Luke 13:22-27 "The Narrow Door"
Then Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching as he made his way to Jerusalem. Someone asked him, "Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?"
He said to them, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Sir, open the door for us.' "But he will answer, 'I don't know you or where you come from.'
"Then you will say, 'We ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.'
"But he will reply, 'I don't know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evildoers!'"
this is what Jesus said about how difficult it will be to find the road to life. many will even hear His word, yet they will not know Him. this baffles me. does this include some professing christians? how do we achieve a righteous life? these verses certainly raise a lot of questions.

it bothers me when people come and ask me for advice, but make no effort to seek God and strengthen their relationship with Him. what should i do? if all i can teach revolves around the principle of seeking intimacy with God? we talk about making God number one in our lives, but how do we make this applicable and palatable? how does the Church consummate her marriage to Christ?

this has been rolling over and over in my mind for a long time now. i knew the basics. i knew justification. i knew repentance. still, i wasn't seeing a means to "completeness" that i was hearing about from people's testimonies. oh, the testimonies. i've heard endless testimonies about how people have wandered aimlessly in life, with this emptiness inside them. yet they consistently posed salvation in Jesus as being what made them complete. He filled the gap. made them whole.

my conversion testimony happened when i was 6. i never knew this "emptiness" they were talking about. i don't remember being a lost 5 year old wandering aimlessly, doing drugs, living promiscuously, or even searching for answers. i knew Jesus was the way, the truth, and the life! why? because my parents told me!

so what did i struggle with? complacency. legalism. bad doctrine. peer pressure. lust. profanity. idolatry. all the while calling Jesus my Savior. i can truly say, that every sin i can remember committing, i did so while i was a christian.

i look back at my first blog on here... i'm still asking some of those questions. others i've found answers to. i'm still thinking about my actions. what my actions say about me. i'm still re-adjusting my life, and re-adjusting some more. i'm still dying to myself. every flippin' day! am i discouraged? my heart says no. i have something to live for. my life has meaning. my actions count for something. in 2 Samuel 24:24, David said he would not give God anything that would cost him nothing. in the same way, if i want God to bless me, i need to give Him something that costs me time... money... effort. if you have something that costs you nothing, it's not worth anything.

80 Percent Club

2005-12-06T23:33:00.000-05:00

how do you convict, but not condemn?
how do you call sin sin, but show grace and forgiveness?
how do you be stern, but also compassionate?
how do you say no in love?
how do you disagree, but listen to an idea?

should everything require a compromise? a truce? a change in thinking?
would you admit you are wrong? should you?

when does an argument end? what if you never argue? do you have an opinion worth defending?

would you die for what you believe? would you die for anything? should you have to?

are there questions worth asking? are there questions not worth answering?

am i entitled to an opinion? what does that mean? are you entitled to my opinion?

what is truth? can i speak absolute truth? is my truth different than your truth? can truth contradict itself? is truth a relative term?

80% of questions are statements in disguise.

For the Record

2005-12-03T09:42:00.000-05:00

so much has been on my mind lately. it's been nuts. i could write a book.

on another note, i've been reading lots of stuff about faith lately. trying to piece it all together. despite interpretations and theories. some very convincing theories, at that. but i keep taking scriptural references used to back different arguments, and consistently come back to the same place. somehow, it makes perfect sense, just the way it was originally written. i know this sounds like, "duh!" but you wouldn't believe how many outlandish assumptions are made to derive complex conclusions. we make faith so complicated, don't we. i must say, after forming a reasonably solid grasp of an interpretation of scripture, it is hard to accept evidence of a contradictory concept... and its scriptural backup. is this a contradiction in scripture? well, more like a contradiction of interpretation. in relation to defining faith, we have some very popular opposing views: Calvinism and Armenianism. i must admit, both have their plus's and minus's. both are essentially accurate as well. i can think of a few names of people who would disagree with me. but i will present my views now, and debate later. after all, i'm still testing my theories. but i've run this by a couple people, and they have no qualms with my logic. so here it is:

We Are Human
outside of Christ, we are oblivious to God, as well as incapable of achieving salvation on our own. we are also unable to do good in complete purity, i.e. everything we do is tainted. we cannot seek God on our own. it is up to the Holy Spirit to reveal itself to us. it does not come from tainted understandings of Jesus, or even knowledge of the Bible, or our perception of christianity based on the acts of christians. you will know a christian by their love, but it ends there. you can't get an accurate depiction of Christ based on its followers. Christianity is different than any other religion by this aspect. i won't go into great detail to answer why, but it is quite interesting. Christianity was never a religion. it was never a culture. Jesus did not philosophize, He taught what one must do to enter the kingdom of God.

Salvation
so how should we 'witness?' well, personally i don't like this term. generally it's used to describe a conversation initiated and carried on with an intention to bring someone to conversion to Christianity. is conversion a bad thing? no. can we convert people? again, no. we can live our christian lives, according to a higher standard, but we can't push this to look desirable or simple to non-believers. firstly, if your christian walk is simple, you're doing something wrong.

accepting Jesus is simple. i.e. saying "Jesus, forgive me for my sins, and be Lord of my life" is a 12-word statement that will change a person's view of life, with no present word containing more than 7 letters. is there any deception in how this verse is presented? in and of itself, no. but we can give a horrifying Hell speech before-hand to seal the deal. funny how we manage to paint a picture of Hell so vividly, while our depiction of Heaven is that it "cannot be put into words." that said, both realms must be beyond our human understanding. Hell could only be worse, and Heaven could only be better, according to the Bible.

so what are we left with? i heard a preacher say the other night that Jesus never promised anything... He prophesied. meaning, He knew what he was talking about. He didn't have to do anything to fulfill a vow. He was, himself, fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy. in fact, he advised not to swear by anything. He said, "let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no." so what's our role in the whole salvation thing? i think it's preaching the gospel message. we are given a Bible so that we can read it and tell people what it says. the Holy Spirit does the rest.

Relationship With God

call this "Calviminianism", but a lot of people argue about how this relationship works. and to be honest, i don't see consistency in one christian's experience compared to another. a lot of them wander around looking for, well, God-knows-what (i haven't read that book, btw)... a sign, an open door, a miracle, clear direction, affirmation, whatever. this saddens me. as i am sure it saddens God. Calvinists tell you that God is the initiator. Arminianists tell you to name-it and claim-it.

what's my take on it? well, take what Jesus said, for example: Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened to you, seek and you shall find. Those who love Me will obey My commands. Come to Me and I will give you rest. Die to yourself, pick up your cross, and follow Me. Store your treasures up in Heaven. so i think it works both ways. i think all that we do should line up with scripture, meaning our attitudes, tithing, fellowship with other christians, accountability, preaching the Gospel, healing the sick, raising the dead, interceding, spending time with God. hmmm... that's quite a call to action.

how does one go about hearing from God? well, i think Jesus said it all right there. i think it's a give-give relationship we are supposed to have. we can't expect God do to everything, and we can't do things for our own purposes.

so who is the initiator? who commences this process? well, i think God does (John 3:16). the most stagnant christians are (very generally) the ones that have been christian for their whole lives. because they're not taught how to have a successful relationship.

did God see this as an issue worth dealing with? i believe that is one of the reasons He created Eve. to show us how to have an intimate relationship. this was how He initiated a relationship with Adam. similarly, men were made as the initiators (or pursuers) of relationship with women. this is their God-given role to understand our role in the relationship with God. what is Eve's role as a woman? to demonstrate our role within relationship to God. women respond to men, but that response strengthens the relationship. if it is taken out of the relationship, what happens? the relationship crumbles, and the initiator 'ceases to amaze' and loses the fire of intimacy.

similarly, God will not 'strike me with lightning' if i command Him to. because it is not a request that will have a positive outcome in my relationship with Him. non-christians don't have a relationship with Him to begin with, so God will not perform. He's not a "genie in a lamp" subject to slavery of a master. much like if I give a girl a flower and ask her on a date, and she says, "give me a box of chocolates and I'll accept your offer," i am turned off. meanwhile, she is pursuing a relationship with a jerk who spoils her with anything her heart desires, and when she isn't looking, winks at me in malevolence. i am rightfully jealous. because i know he will harm her. he doesn't respect her. he does this to spite me. as a result, nothing good will come to her. she will get all her heart desires, but her end is very dark.

"are you calling me a girl?" some of you (guys) may ask. well, the Bible describes the Church (that is, every christian in unity) as the Bride of Christ. so yes. as a "Church Body" we are female in nature. better said, we were created because God was lonely before He made the earth. this, of course, is introduced in our human understanding of God in relation to time. i have explained this to a few people, how God is outside of time, since He created time. He is, therefore, omnipresent in that time does not effect Him. Jesus backs me up saying "God is the same yesterday, today, and forever." but i said that in my last post. so i can't end this one there.

whew. that's probably the longest post i've ever written, and i hope it stays that way. as i said, there is a lot that's been on my mind lately, and i chose to stew in it and let it fully develop before i distributed it via the WWW. i hope you enjoyed reading it, as i'm sure if you're reading this right now you made it through. congratulations for making it through. i'll also have you know that my research in this has only strengthened my faith, thus making it worthwhile. i hope it does the same for you, if not providing insight, providing questions raised that you will find satisfying answers to.

Divine Authority

2005-11-30T11:42:00.000-05:00

picture this: you buy a car and take out a bank loan to pay it off. you now owe the bank money. yet the car is used for selfish purposes. it drives you to parties and movie theatres, but not to work or anywhere that will generate income to pay back your loan. eventually you fall deeper into debt. you're not making money, and the interest is killing you.

will the bank give you another loan? no! similarily, we cannot ask for gifts and blessings from the Holy Spirit, unless we bear fruit with it. God will take it away otherwise.

salesmen make money: if we have gifts like holy boldness and peace beyond our understanding, we can preach the Gospel.

teachers make money: if we have discernment and wisdom, we can teach fellow christians how to seek God.

doctors make money: if we have divine healing annointing, we can lay hands on the sick.

Matthew 10:1 says that Jesus gave the disciples the authority to drive out evil spirits and to heal every disease and sickness, before he sent them out with instructions.

in the Parable of the Talents, Jesus told a similar story of how the Master's gifts are not to go to waste. it also further demonstrates the repercussions of disobedience in v. 30.

that said, obedience stems from initial love for the Father. Jesus said those who love Me will obey My commandments. what is love without obedience? how can i say i love my parents if i do not obey them? how is my love demonstrated otherwise? i am called to honor my parents. obedience is one aspect of honor. that is also applicable to our Heavenly Father. a man gives flowers to his wife to display affection, or apologies. but when this becomes routine, love is removed and flowers mean nothing. if he continues to disrespect her and lose her trust, apologies mean nothing. husbands are not called to obey their wives. but they are called to love and serve them via the constitution of marriage. wives are called to respect and follow their husbands. this was instituted by God. who are we as society to redefine gender roles or marriage vows?

however, God's Word stands alone. it defends itself. i do not need to change the government's opinion, and pastors nation-wide have already made aware to them the consequences for their actions. they did not pray and receive the ability to change God's law, as this would never happen. the constitution of marriage has not changed as far as God is concerned.

Cross-Cultural Etiquette

2005-11-26T13:32:00.000-05:00

change is vulnerable. can i ask you what it is instead of tell you how it is? so many questions yet i don't know what to ask. becoming weak is such a foreign concept. to ask for help. to learn how to give love rather than earn respect.

unconditional. the way you give to charity.

i hold the door for someone and pretend to not hear the "thank-you." yet when someone returns the favour i proceed to speak those words onto deaf ears. as if hearing my own voice acknowledges my effortless gift of brotherly kindness. but i am selfish.

is it a sin to think that a way of life could be perfect? anything dreamed up by man? is there such a thing as heaven on earth? are we to achieve that here? so many places i can see myself. happy. spontaneous. yet i think of heaven as some form of reality. with nothing desirable in sight. because nothing of this world could exist in eternal heaven. what should i accomplish in my earthly body that i cannot do in the afterlife? are there any limits? i cannot begin to imagine something that is so undefined to be so desirable.

the best-selling book of all time has always been the Bible. unmatched by any author in the world; poetically, historically, prophetically, and inspirationally. is it true that no-one will ever have anything to say that is contiguous to its magnitude? the gospels were written by those, and those observing those who were closest to Jesus. that is, God-incarnated.

we are told that the Bible, in essence, is complete. in fact, Revelation 22:18-19 forbids us from adding or removing from this book.

somehow we over-complicate things. cross-cultural etiquette is something that 99% of the world's population will likely never learn. i barely understand North American culture. even this concept of "cool" is here today, gone tomorrow.

but Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever Hebrews 13:7-9.

Drinking, Smoking, Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

2005-11-23T11:33:00.000-05:00

there. i did it. grouped them all together.

i have a new pet-peeve. instigating. basically, i want to find out what is so "taboo" yet "sinfully" permissible about these topics. i can see them as choice topics for debate, but i find a lot of this happening: "i could really use a smoke right now" or "i'm itchin' for a heineken"

it's as if these are unrightfully frowned upon and the relevant thing to do is set ourselves apart from any pious pharisees that we come in contact with, and spite them from a distance, waving a lighter and a finger.

are these things wrong? for anyone? i never thought a recovering alcoholic should be given alcohol. or a smoke-intolerant person should be smoked around. i know some new christians who are trying to quit smoking. yet i see christians craving cigars from time to time. and inviting others to join. okay, maybe i'm pointing fingers. but i fail to see a need to be liberated to do these things rather than encouraged not to.

okay, i haven't even talked about sex, drugs, or rock and roll. basically i threw these things into my title to set a tone. rock and roll is considered evil by some people, i, myself do not want to get into this argument. sex i think is understood to be a closed door until marriage, and drugs are just plain bad. i could get into why, but i'll leave it for now.

is smoking wrong? well, we've all seen the gingevitis ads (shivers), but i don't think this is what is arguable. i know a guy who gets angry with himself because he smokes. he says he hates it because it's "just a front." people hide behind it. it's an escape from emotional stress.

"did Jesus tell us to light one up when we are weary and burdened?" i bet lots of smokers get that one... is smoking a burden?

"Jesus turned water into wine, but He didn't drink any" personally, i don't believe this, secondly, was Jesus encouraging drinking or getting drunk?

my beef is not whether or not we should damage our bodies, that's between us and God. conviction comes from the Holy Spirit. not fellow believers. that's judgment. where my beef is is telling others that it's okay. or doing it simply to get a rise out of some legalist. as if relevance is set apart from holiness.

Haunted Wedding

2005-11-15T18:15:00.000-05:00

this made the front cover of today's newspaper. i have written the caption here in case you can't read it on your computer

This corpse bride (alias Kim Kitchen) and her treacherous groom (alias Holly Bates) were among the numerous frightening sights at the "Haunted Hill on the Grand" Halloween display presented by Caledonia's Grace United Church at the Oelkuch property north of York on the weekend. Proceeds went toward the church's building and restoration fund, and the Haldimand Norfolk Children's Aid Society.

I am so glad that christians are willing to do anything to glorify God.

Guerrilla Jesus

2005-11-15T14:25:00.000-05:00

while reading the subsequent post, do not lose focus. this is but one of the many sides of Jesus. not to discredit anything i am about to say, but please take note.

the genealogy of Jesus is interesting to note, because it it goes through Joseph's (husband of Mary) line. and we know, from reading of His birth, that Jesus did not have a "father" in a mortal human sense, but that Mary was impregnated by God Himself (this is why Joseph questioned Mary's loyalty to him). so i began to question the credibility of the account for Jesus' genealogy. in Matthew 1:16, it includes Mary as the wife of Joseph... as if to hilight the importance of marriage as a binding contract and addition to family. becoming "one"... also, Matthew's inclusion of women in the earlier ancestry accounts for the shadiness of His ancestors. people put Mary on a pedestal. but not Joseph, or any of his ancestors. how come? can we not bear the idea of Jesus having prostitutes and adulterers and pagans for relatives?

i think this really adds to the incredibility of Jesus and His claims. you have to take His word at face value. and the doubt goes with it. taking all this into account, trusting Jesus becomes a little less fuzzy, and a little more provocative.

who was Jesus? when interrogated, He confirmed their accusation against His claim, being the Son of God.

Jesus spoke with authority. the disciples noted this. Jesus would go around casting demons out of people, calming storms, and teaching with humble conviction. and besides all of this, He was perfect. He could wander in the desert for 40 days without food, and be tempted by the devil, yet He would not falter.

He challenged their understanding of the law! He rewrote it for them! He raised the bar. comparing us not to other men, but to God Himself. even as a child, Jesus would sit in the Nazarene temple and debate with their highest teachers. Later, He trashed the temple in Jerusalem, overturning tables of money changers, telling them they had made it into a den of theives Matthew 21:12-13. He called the pharisees and teachers hypocrites! snakes and vipers! blind and unclean! then he accused them of murdering righteous blood between the temple and the alter Matthew 23. And when the priests questioned His authority, He answered them in riddles Matthew 21:23-27.

Yet in His perfection, He remained humble. He was a servant-leader. He washed the disciples' feet.

Read Luke 23:11-12. wow. through Jesus' innocence, two rulers are befriended. yet Jesus said that He did not come down to earth to bring peace, but to fulfill God's law through atonement for our sins. but it just seems to radiate off of Him. He wore it on His sleeve, only to give it away by saying "peace be with you." George Lucas applied this as a bidding farewell: "may the force be with you." though there are also an array of other pagan and spiritual religions behind his "force" concept. it reminds me of wiccan and spiritual feminist ideas of a god that can be influenced for good or evil uses.

Jesus predicted His own death and resurrection. then He did it. and while He did it, He made sure to take one final slap in the sanhedrin's face by ripping the temple curtain in two (the one hiding the ark of the covenant from the priests' eyes upon entering the Holy of Holies, so that they would not be struck dead by the radiant presence of God) Luke 23:45.

So Cliche

2005-11-09T15:01:00.000-05:00

You have heard, "hold on"
But I say, "let go" Psalm 55:22

You have heard, "be strong"
But I say, "be weak so that I may be strong" 2 Corinthians 12:10

You have heard, "get it together"
But I say, "become broken" Psalm 51:17

You have heard, "figure it out"
But I say, "I will confound the wise" 1 Corinthians 1:27
and "lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

You have heard, "assess the situation"
But I say, "look to me" Colossians 3:1-2

You have heard "you know yourself better than anyone"
But I say, "the hairs on your head have been counted" Matthew 10:29-31

I suppose this is all very cliche, but it goes to show how relevant the Bible is in our culture. It shows that God's ways are still not our ways. Even the best advice we can offer is still challenged by a book published 2000 years ago.

Matthew 5 outlines interpretations of the law, challenged by Jesus.

Candid Camera

2005-11-04T10:38:00.000-05:00

remenis with me:

my brother's highschool graduation ceremony.

mother and i are in attendance.

my job: to videotape isaac receiving his diploma.

so i turn on my camera.

but i can't see anything through the lens.

cap is off, just to double-check.

but i suspect a busted CCD chip.

i take it to the shop a week later.

it's a busted CCD chip.

$300 and 4 months later, it's fixed.

today i am excited. today is the day i get my camera back. it has been in the shop for too long! finally my baby is coming back to me. my Canon ZR-65. my companion. my love. my treasure. my weapon...

it occurred to me just how deadly a videocamera can be, when in the hands of a warrior for Christ!

check it out: i can be a witness, disguised as a documentary filmmaker. a camera not only gives purpose for interviewing random people to get opinions about our small town issues, but also poses a means to an end: Jesus Christ. it opens a window for candid conversations about topics chosen by the interviewer (me). while earning a reputable profile as a videographer, i'm doing undercover work for the kingdom of God.

there's something sexy about the potential of this project. this would make a cool youth event. i can just picture a bunch of teens running through the streets of downtown Simcoe with videocameras... with a *new mission: soulharvest

* i say new mission as a correction. originally i said "primary focus," but that is incorrect. it should be secondary to a primary focus of God. how could i slip that up! ha. as soon as i posted this blog entry, my mom told me that she couldn't pick my camera up today and that it would have to wait until tomorrow night. and i had made plans of using it tomorrow. then i had a shower and thought about this for a little while. then God kicked me in the head. why would i challenge people to do anything before time with Him? before prayer? so i made up my mind. i would change this post. because i needed to be corrected. because i am still flawed. then i got a phone call. it was my mom, telling me that she could try to pick it up tonight after all. honestly, this is interesting. it's like the thoughts that go through my head manipulate reality. the conversations with God, at least.

A Second Definition

2005-11-02T14:36:00.000-05:00

Philippians 4:12-13 Paul says I have learned the secret to being content in any situation. being content... having joy. i found this during worship on sunday morning. because we were singing a song that had a verse about joy. God has been teaching me how to find joy in all circumstances. which, i can only describe the way that Paul did. being content. not over zealously thrilled, but content. is it possible to have joy in mourning? in suffering? in depression? only if you draw strength from Christ Jesus. does that make sense? Paul thought so. we celebrate joy at christmas time. joy to the world. somehow we've attached it to a seasonal holiday.

i'm reading a book called "Provocative Faith" right now. in it, the author recalls an experience during a mission trip to romania. there he visited an orphanage where they were greeted by a youg boy who asked the mission team to join him in singing "Jesus Loves Me". the author couldn't help but think about this kid's evidently broken past, his present circumstance, and his bleak future. how could he want nothing more than to sing this song? where was his inspiring joy coming from?

presently, i am unemployed. not to embelish on this struggle in my life, i mean, what is this? a blog?? ...but at times i wonder how God could know this and have my best interest in mind. another month like this and my credit history is at stake. debt will soon arise. debt is not good. student loans are not good when you can't pay them back. but God knows this. and still He is telling me to be content? if i go a day dwelling on my circumstances, i face a battle of depression. yet if i keep my eyes on God, the battle is won.

last week i attended a jobconnect workshop to help me with interview skills, resume writing and all the fun stuff that comes with job searching. there were two of us in that workshop. during our break, i had a conversation with the guy beside me. he was fresh out of highschool who described himself as an "entrepreneur"... his mother signed him up to take this workshop in hopes that he might get a real job and earn an honest living. he was a dealer. as much as i could not relate to him, i told him that the path he was on had a dark future. and the longer he stayed on that path, the harder it would be to get off. he acknowledged this, telling me how much he was making, which was immensely more than if he were to work for a legal company.

perhaps joy is not an emotion. perhaps joy does not come in an ecstacy pill. perhaps joy does not come in the magical time of christmas. the analogy here is pretty straight forward: there is no quick fix solution to inner turmoil. from happypills to a permasmile.
i'm sure that joy can be a warm fuzzy feeling at times. i believe it is intended to. but joy has a second definition: contentment in any situation. joy as a virtue.

Kindled

2005-10-26T01:38:00.000-04:00

Look at the evergreen.

Surely it recognizes its cold, frosty surroundings,
But despite the current season, it appears unaffected.

Its green, waxy pines are celebrated as they pinch
Anyone that goes near.

Plugging away in the dead of winter,
While other foliage embrace the change.

Show their true colours in the fall,
Then lose their pride after the harvest.

They become naked.

Transparent
Before even those who do not have eyes.

For they hear
Not the rustling of leaves,
But the scraping of branches.

Yet the evergreen sits in the warmth of company and gifts,
Gasping for breath,
While the others roast in the fire.

Because green wood is harder to burn.

Damaging Effects of Direct Sunlight

2005-10-17T01:46:00.000-04:00

our culture has allowed us to embrace the comfort of the world which we are presented with. we are sheltered by what mass media deems important and worthy of our attention. it, in turn, dictates our world-view and ignorance of the bigger picture. it is our tinted pair of sunglasses, transforming reflections of the sun into a more tolerable, soothing picture. not revealing the intense; painful; and, in prolonged exposure, damaging effects of direct sunlight.

we have become vulnerable. accustomed to the shade that our 'sunglasses' provide for us. even in our spiritual lives. we tackle the decoys that the devil has set for us: saving gospel music; the constitution of marriage; prayer in school; pro-life activism; religious holidays... the list goes on and on.

the Church holds on so dearly to these things. these social issues. they proclaim our pride to this great nation. all that we will stand for.

but our war is not that against flesh and blood. but in the intense; painful; and, in prolonged exposure, damaging effects of spiritual warfare (damaging to your complacency in your faith)

perhaps it is our freedom of speech that has been our biggest hinderance of all in this battle. meaning, the ability to fight for these 'rights'. i mean, by making all of our country's laws align with our biblical philosophy, will we see a country turn to God? i hope not. i would hate to attend a church that is programmed by government dictatorship.

i do not think this country will experience full-fledged revival until our freedoms have been stripped away from us. until the church is an underground movement. let them bulldoze our church buildings. let them persecute us for our world-view. let christianity become a rebellion again. then and only then will you see a true hunger. a true passion.

i'm not suggesting that we light matches to our church buildings. thank God for the freedom to build a place for gathering of christians. but i think we are afraid of the inevitable: north america as a third-world country. it is actually harder to live your faith in this westernized culture than anywhere else in the world. because our battle is not against oppression, it is against legalism. our battle is not against the social issues of our north american culture, but against the root of the problem: their world-view... largely, evolutionism. give a people no meaning for life, and you get a life with no meaning. no absolute truths. no values. no conscience. try and explain to them that the purpose for church is to make the world a better place to live... it's doomed to fail. because Jesus did not come to take over the world, but to save us from it!

let that be our mission also: to save people from the never-ending punshment for the wickedness of this world.

You are Proverbs

2005-10-12T13:06:00.000-04:00

You are Proverbs.

Which book of the Bible are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

Judge a Book by its Followers (revised)

2005-10-09T00:33:00.000-04:00

the book: The Holy Bible
its followers: Christians
the judges: ....Christians?

i've been thinking about this for a little while now. (pause for more thought) can people base an accurate preconception of a 'religion' based on its followers? should they be able to? pop-culture teaches not to judge a book by its cover. but christians do it all the time. could one, being a non-believer, tell someone what christianity is without ever reading the entire christian bible, but by judging the lives of its followers? could christians? this would require christians to learn the bible, and apply it to their daily life. i mean, this sounds somewhat absurd. to memorize 66 books of prophecy, ethics, miracles, and genealogy and practice it in your daily life.

perhaps some omissions from the bible are permittable, if we are called to "preach the gospel"... like, we could leave out all the boring stuff, cut straight to the 'meat' and hilight key references in the bible. or better yet, cut out the entire old testament. besides, Jesus never came to save the world until the new testament, right? well, there's 4 whole books about Jesus, so he must be important. maybe we could just pick one book and stick with that. let's stick with matthew because i think i heard he spent the most time with Jesus. but there's 28 chapters in matthew. still a long read. so let's boil it down to the main message of Jesus... He did say to obey God's commandments. but there's 10 of those, and i only remember a few... so what are the important ones? Jesus said that the greatest commandment was love.

we have boiled it down to one thing. love. is that it? can we settle for that? can we live that? sure! every christian will tell you that! roman catholics and protestants alike! as well as mormons! jews! hindus! buddhists! sikhs! taoists! wiccans! we can all live together in peace and harmony! isn't that the ultimate goal? is that love? i think it's more of a tolerance. this is NOT the love that Jesus was talking about. this is not being the "salt of the earth". i think we have the wrong idea about love. love is not about making sure everyone gets along nicely with eachother. love hurts. love bleeds. love intrudes. love heals...

the hippie movement was inspired by contemporary christian music artists. they wrote love songs to Jesus. they told the world that Jesus loved them. that He didn't care where they had been. that God would love them no matter what.

people liked this idea about Jesus. they could smoke a joint, fornicate in the woods, run around naked... and it would never matter, Jesus loved them! well, they LOVED this idea. don't get me wrong, i can't argue with them. the initial message is true! Jesus DOES love me. and THANK GOD for grace...

grace? okay. let's back this up. what is grace for? why do we need grace? grace was God's ultimate gift to man. THROUGH Jesus. he gave us forgiveness and a second chance. this is our second chance. a chance to make a difference. to create change. God demonstrated His love for us by intruding into our lives. sending His son to die for us. to heal us. and that hurts. and Jesus bled for us. he died for us. that is love.

so how do we take this and apply it? how do we change the world? not by singing love songs. God gave us 10 commandments to live by. to challenge eachother by. to witness by. to overwhelm their conscience with conviction by. and that does sound harsh. but to that i say, do we want them to know there's a problem in their life, or don't we?

maybe we need to incorporate more content into our "ultimately-divine-God-inspired-drop-it-like-it's-hot-westernized-culturally-relevant-modernized-ultimately-swift-message"... like, maybe some guidelines. or, if there are any, some RULES. okay. so hopefully you've read the rules now, if you haven't before.

so my point is, we are to be like God. is this unfair? if, to enter heaven, divine perfection is expected of us? can we judge a book by its cover? can we judge the Bible by the lives of its followers? do christians follow the Bible? do christians live bible-inspired lives? we need to stop judging eachother. we need to start loving eachother. speak love, not judgement. we need to stop tolerating eachother. we need to start holding eachother accountable for their actions. speak truth, not compromise.

Feeding the Fire

2005-10-03T14:59:00.000-04:00

the fundamental stage... has turned into a lifestyle.

this blog, if you haven't noticed, is not your typical one. because i don't just talk about my experiences. i intend to challenge you, my brothers and sisters. so i will begin...

okay, so that was my big intro... can i get right to the meat? i hate beating around the bush. i hate intro paragraphs to be honest. they sound so phony. so insightful. this will be a blog about the church. somewhat like my last one. however, i am coming to a point where addressing the same issues people have seems futile. and let me tell ya, it will wear you down. it seems as though from the moment one christian gets a burning passion for Christ, everyone you come in contact with wants to suck you dry. and it's natural. people want what you have. they see your life heading in a direction they would aspire to.

is this so wrong? to want the fire they see in another christian? i don't think so. however, i think this is plays a big part in the fire spreading too thin and becoming extinguished. did i lose anyone with that analogy? say a christian goes to a christian youth rally for a weekend. during that time, his desire for God increases in passion to a point that will (in this analogy) be known as a "burning fire". after the weekend, he is dipped back into society and regular church meetings and inevitably, his old life. other christians see that burning fire in him, and encourage him for a little while. talk to him about God. they want what he has. but he soon realizes that his understanding of God is limited. and church is not as hyped about God as the youth rally was. so his fire dies. he is extinguished.

so often people tell me that they wish their fire could never die. they know that it will fade eventually. but even in that statement, they speak death upon that burning passion. can i tell you that it is possible, and not a foreign concept, of "feeding the fire"? and here's the good news: it doesn't mean going to a rally every weekend! heck, it doesn't even mean drinking 2 litres of red bull every day either.

somehow, the last 2 paragraphs have gone off on a wicked tangent from what i originally intended to write... but that's okay, i will continue. because this is getting interesting (at least, i think so!).

okay. so here's my ultimatum: make your time with God. make your 'quiet' time with God. daily! read His word. read books that will challenge you to live your faith provocatively. but most importantly, pray. pray for your brothers and sisters in Christ. pray for your church leadership. pray for your mentors (if you have any).

if you make this daily, you will become a solid christian. how often do we talk about the trinity? God in three parts. we know about God, we know about Jesus, but how much do we know about the Holy Spirit? throughout the new testament, you will learn about the Holy Spirit. the Holy Spirit has many purposes, and one of which is to teach us and equip us. because there is an enemy out there who seeks to destroy. to bring dissension between our brothers and sisters. to divide the Church. to tear down our leadership. TO EXTINGUISH YOUR FIRE!

Evolution In Public School

2005-09-29T11:55:00.000-04:00

Foreword: I wrote this essay when I was in grade 12 and presented it in front of my class along with visuals and video content, followed by questioning from the class. My views have since changed and no longer reflect the views I so strongly expressed herein.

Science should be taught in school. Ask anyone why, and you will likely get similar responses. Because children will ask questions, teachers must be prepared to answer them. Imagine the frustration and confusion a child would have if he/she was given a different answer from every teacher in every classroom for the same question. This is one of the reasons why public schools have what is known as a curriculum. Ideally, the public school system is meant to teach accurately, without biased opinions or religious viewpoints. This is why evolution is taught in science classes when it comes to explaining our origins. After all, evolution is backed by scientific evidence, right? If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be taught in the schools of North America. At least, that’s what we’re told.

First, let’s look at the origin of the Evolution Theory. Long before Charles Darwin’s time, people began questioning the age of the earth. Up until the late 1700’s, the majority of people believed the Bible and that it suggests that the earth is about 6000 years old. Then James Hutton came along, and said that the earth was in fact, billions of years old. Hutton claimed to be a christian, so logically, if he said the Bible was wrong, he would be the one to know. In 1831, Charles Darwin took a trip to the Galapagos Islands. Charles loved worms, so he shot birds. Some of which, were finches. So Darwin collected them and studied the variation in the shape of the beaks. He developed a theory called natural selection. A Scottish lawyer named Charles Lyell observed microevolution, and believed in macroevolution. His hate for the Bible was evident in his studies.

Fortunately, Evolution is not the only belief with regards to the origin of the earth. There is another theory, Creationism. Creationists believe in the Bible. The Bible states that the earth was created in 6 days, not billions and billions of years. Furthermore, Christianity has a definite geographical origin. No other religion has that. Creationists spend a lot of time debating Evolutionists. So far, they have managed to tear apart every shred of evidence supporting evolution. In fact, it not only disproves evolution, but proves creation. Take for example, the fictionous ‘Ape Men’. All any paleontologists ever found of Nebraska Man was a single bone. A tooth, for that matter. It was later found after careful study, that it belonged to a peccary (a close relative of a pig). Or take the Piltdown Man. It was declared a 500,000 year old ape-man by many British scientists. Four decades later, it was found to be consisting of a very recent orangutan jaw stained to look old, with its teeth filed down to make them more human-looking, planted together with a human skull bone, also stained to create an appearance of age. Pithecanthropus, Darwin’s missing link of the evolutionary scale, was actually a human thighbone found close by the skullcap of a chimpanzee. The bones were found in volcanic sediments, which were responsible for the fissilization, not old age. As for Peking Man, few students learned that the skulls had been found in scattered little fragments, with missing fragments substituted with plaster. Neanderthals were long portrayed as ape-men, stooped over. This misconception was largely the result of a faulty reconstruction by French paleontologist Marcellin Boule, who mistook the skeleton of a man with kyphosis (hunchback) for an ape-man in the process of becoming upright. Human ancestors are shown going back almost 6 million years. But no chimpanzee or gorilla ancestors are depicted before a million years ago.Why does every bone fragment turn out to be a human ancestor? Where are all the fossils of chimpanzee and gorilla ancestors? "The problem with a lot of antrhopologists is that they want so much to find a hominid that any scrap of bone becomes a hominid bone." - Dr. Tim White, anthropologist.

Radiocarbon dating, especially the Carbon 14 method, is the primary source of proof for evolution. C14 dating is very accurate when used for wood from up to about 4,000 years ago. After that, the method becomes very unreliable for the following reasons: (1) This method is only accurately used when it is calibrated with objects of known age. Example: wood found in a grave of known age by historically reliable documents is the standard for that time for the C14 content. (2) To assume a particular level of Carbon 14 in an organism requires a precise determination of environmental (atmospheric) levels of the same. That is, to presume a particular level in a living thing requires a precise knowledge of the ambient amount of Carbon 14 in the air and environment. Scientists pervorming radiocarbon dating assume that the amount in the environment has not changed. This is compelling for several reasons, not the least of which is the convenience with which "science" apparently operates; we hear of massive changes in the earth, ice ages, catastrophic events that killed the dinosaurs, etc., but the environment never changed according to the same scientists.

Evolutionists talk a lot about the Geological Column. But the only place where the Geologic Column exists is in the textbooks. Dinosaurs are not aged by Carbon dating, but they are aged according to how deep they are found in the rock layers. The funny thing is, the rock layers are aged by determining what kind of fossils are found in them. Talk about circular reasoning.

It is evident that the Evolutionists have a biased judgement against Creationists. After all, was the theory not developed to disprove and offer an alternative to the Bible? Any evidence disproving the Evolutionist Theory is simply ignored, and is still printed in school textbooks all over North America.

President Washington’s face is carved in a rock. Could that be done by chance? No, it had to be designed. Knowing that, could Washington himself have happened from chance? They both came from a rock, right? It seems almost comical that an Evolutionist will argue that a human being can come from a rock, but a mere image of one cannot. Since Evolution was introduced into our Public School System, suicide rates have skyrocketed. It could be just a coincidence, or perhaps the thought that life was an accident is really getting to the students of today’s school. If eliminating the study of evolution in our schools would allow children to live long and prosper, would it not be a worthwhile endeavor? Do the kids a favour: tell them there is a reason for life. After all, if it’s about keeping religion out of the schools, why is the Theory of Evolution being taught? Is that not just an idea? A hypothesis? A belief? Before Evolution was introduced, Creation was the common belief. So why don’t we get back to the basics? Or here’s another suggestion, eliminate both theories. If you really want to get rid of the religious aspect to our education system, don’t teach anything. It’s better than confusing the students with two theories on how the earth originated. Of course, it would be a shame to eliminate the theory of Evolution from the Education system entirely, so maybe it should be taught. But not in Science. If anything, it should be taught as History, or World Religions.

Third-World Food for Thought

2005-09-28T02:14:00.000-04:00

i want to remain sensitive to this issue, third world poverty. this is my second attempt at writing this blog entry. i wrote one line for my first attempt, coming off ranting and complaining like my similar styles in previous posts. but when i started researching this issue, i guess similar to the experience you get after actually watching the advertisements of starving children in need of hope and care half way around the world, i didn't want to cut up anybody's efforts to help these children. i mean, i'm not looking for a debate that much.

i was watching a video that i rented about cult explosion. from a christian perspective, this video looks at various cults and religious organizations around the world, tells you what hindu, muslim, jehovah's witness, mormon, christian science, black muhommad, and scientology are all about. they explore all the brainwashing tactics, selling schemes, manipulation, how to reach people involved with that, their conversion experience, what the cults believe, where the holes in their philosophies are, how it relates to what the bible teaches, their views on Jesus, God, satan, christians, etc. India is one of the most suffering countries in the world. The majority of social problems in India have their roots in Hindu religion and Hindu philosophy. this includes their unhealthy lifestyle and deathly fasting. Hindu children are subject to this, producing ill results and disturbing images of living corpses. when this was brought to my attention, my immediate reaction was "no wonder we're still sending money and food over there after all of these years." you'd think that now we'd begin to see a change. have we? if it's a cultural issue and a religious issue, shouldn't we be fighting that? to erase that mentality?

i guess this is a hard opinion to stand by for myself, i do not sponsor a child. i haven't contributed to global humanitarian efforts. although the idea has crossed my mind. especially during those heart-wrenching commericals. but is this guilt that i feel God tugging on my heart strings? or is it manipulation of television? funny how those commercials don't ask for your prayers as much as your money. are prayers not as effective? God's word talks immensely about the power of prayer. i wonder what God's humanitarian commercial would look like? then again, many of these organizations are christian organizations. they're the ones we should be sending money to. because they're building churches. spreading the gospel. sending missionaries to these countries in need.

one thing i've seen more and more of recently and something i most respectively admire are rock bands that are doing something. this includes the ever-famous U2, and their Live 8 worldwide concert and their long list of bands who made thier contribution to that. i look at Coldplay and their efforts. but more importantly i am seeing a number of christian bands stepping up to the plate. taking their fame and putting it to work -- humanitarian work. Audio Adrenaline, Jars of Clay, dc Talk, P.O.D., Brian (Head) Welch, Newsboys, Switchfoot, etc. those are some of the big names. and they're doing something. whether its every time you buy an album, t-shirt, concert ticket, or set up a donation table at your local church, these bands are dedicated to saving this lost and dying world from dirty water, racial discrimination, disease and viruses, and world hunger.

i suppose the smart and best thing to do as a christian, if you do desire to contribute to these organizations, is first to pray about it. see if God wants you to donate to this effort. also make sure it is a christian organization, because you can be sure that they do good business and are preaching the gospel everywhere they sow these seeds. maybe you do want to sponsor a child. there are other things you can do, at the Jars of Clay website they have a special program that you can set up a donation table at your local church or school to raise money. and if you are looking to buy a cd, check out the band's site first. see if any partition goes to a good cause. (for the music downloaders out there, this could mean actually spending a couple bucks instead of robbing those evil conspiring record companies we all love to hate)

Mind's Eye

2005-09-12T14:12:00.000-04:00

in my mind, i can see your face. as your love pours down in a shower of grace. some people tell me that you're just a dream. my faith is the evidence of things unseen. - dc Talk

A Taste (revised)

2005-09-12T10:43:00.000-04:00

This is an attempt. an experiment. to size your appetite. to see if you're hungry enough. to see how far you will go to find answers to your questions. the ones that haunt you. am i supposed to tell you that you will find the answers here? i hope not. i want you to keep looking. keep seeking... eagerly, patiently, fervently. to answer life's questions. to not ever give up. because you have to know. maybe you're reading this and you feel like you're missing something. key number one. and your biggest question is "where do i start?" well, obviously if i tell you that it will be biased. but i seem to be dangling a carrot in front of your face, so i'll tell you what i found: Jesus knew the answer. Jesus is worth knowing. find out about Jesus.

so. here you are. the next paragraph. and you still have questions. here's where i really wanted to go with this blog. the last 2 paragraphs were just to make sure you're on the right track for what's ahead. because that's the foundation for everything i know to be true. do you seek truth? i don't know why you wouldn't. but one thing you have to accept, as i have had to accept, is that truth stands apart from you, your opinions, and your beliefs. that's what makes it truth! truth stands alone! Jesus said "I am the way, the truth and the life!" if Jesus is the truth, then that means everything He says is true! for further understanding of this, take a look at John 7. if someone tells me they believe that the earth is flat, it does not mean it's truth. it just means that they're ignorant. and if they're ignorant of truth, then they're a fool, quite simply.

so maybe you're a christian. maybe you agree with some of what i've said so far. and you still have questions. problems. you want to be a better christian. you want to be stronger in your faith. you want to be out there on the front line, preaching the gospel. following God. hearing God. you want to know how to pray. you want to know about baptism. about the trinity. about speaking in tongues. about understanding scripture. about miracles. about church government. about denominational differences. about doctrine. about holiness. about dream interpretation. you need to get into the Bible. you need to know about repentance. get rid of your distractions. make God the centre of your life. focus on Him. His way. His heart. His will. we need to be fruitful and spread the message. we need to pray. make your time with God. ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how to pray. find a mentor.

okay, some of that was my sermon notes. but it's true! whether i tell you or not, it's true. so often we want to build this tall tower of ministry and works. but you need to have a deep, strong foundation first. otherwise, it will crumble. so many christians don't know what they believe. find out what God's Word says about what you believe - because God will not lead you astray. that's why He sent His Son. to show us what God is like.

Relevant Church

2005-08-13T19:40:00.000-04:00

Can i ask one thing? what happened? why is it so hard to get people to come to church? okay. it's no mystery that the church has become an icon for the much less popular alternative to the uneventful sunday morning. is it the appearance? the people? the general aura? tradition?

often a prominent feature to any "church" building has to be that enormous steeple. i mean come on. ask someone to draw a picture of a church and that will be the 'cherry' on top. complete with stain glass windows depicting somewhat significant events in the bible, a pipe organ that has probably won some awards or is the town "thing"... (you know, every town has a thing whether it's the largest bowl of cereal, a giant moose, a largemouth bass, a hotel, a spoon...why not an organ?) hard wooden pews for less than comfortable seating, keenly designed to keep you awake during the service. did i forget anything? a large cross behind the pulpit, maybe some banners hanging on all the walls hand crafted by some of the elderly ladies of the church. i seem to have created a typical traditional church building, havent i? could be somewhat frightening to a...7 year old. okay, it doesn't look like a killer venue for a keg-party either. and if it did i'm sure some people would be offended by such a thought. after all, this is the house of God correct?

maybe you're disappointed that i haven't said that the church IS the people. well i've said it now haven't i? anyways, picture this: you walk into church for the first time on sunday morning. someone you've never seen before immediately grabs your hand, gives it a firm shake, stuffs an event calendar into it, and tells you where the coffee is. that's friendly, right? right? i mean, you've been in church for 5 seconds and you've already made a new friend. okay. so you find the coffee without any trouble, add some creme, and reach for the sugar. then you notice the pair of hands tightly gripping the sugar bowl, hands that are attached to a small boy wearing a coffee-stained tie. soon enough another stranger claiming to be the boy's mother reaches in front of you while in mid-conversation with someone else to find her little prodical. so you walk into the sanctuary looking for a welcoming hardwood pew to seat yoursef. you find one amongst the quickly filling benches, next to someone else you haven't met. soon enough someone follows you but hesitates before sitting on top of you, because you apparently found their regular spot. then you spend the next hour figuring out the hymns everybody else knows by listening to the person beside you, who happens to be off key. then you are formally greeted by the pastor who then lists off the events for the upcoming week, tells you who you should pray for, then delivers a repentance sermon which makes you feel guilty for not wearing your other pants that morning. okay... so that was a little harsh. perhaps too harsh. you may be thinking your church is nothing like that in the least. and you're probably right. that story actually sounds a bit crazy.

so you're probably now thinking about potential fixes to any "problem" i've mentioned above, like maybe moving tea and coffee time to after the service instead of before... or providing pillows for the seats or a more enthusiastic speaker... okay let's get real.. maybe powerpoint presentations? better music? okay, okay. can i be blunt? it won't work. honestly. you can 'entertain' a congregation as much as you want, but the truth is, they're looking for something real.

so far i have done nothing for you but present a problem, haven't i. and i must confess, i have only learned recently that it is easier to criticize a church than to run a church. and i have done only that.

suddenly i'm not sure what to write. my thoughts are scattered, and all i know is that there is some more truth that i can give you.

currently i am reading a book entitled "the relevant church". all it is is a collection of essays written by pastors, mainly in their twentysomethings. they are pastors of newly started churches. what's neat is that their churches have sunday services in pubs, theatres, old nightclubs, coffeeshops, you name it. and the stories are fascinating. but i do not want to emphasize where these services are taking place. i do not want to suggest that starting up some kind of underground movement is the only solution to this problem. the thing that stands out about the people in these churches is where their hearts are.

i read one story about some people who met a homeless man in a park. they invited him out to church, and called him "homeless ken". now they call him "ken-ya!" because he found Jesus, got an apartment, has a new job, and is going to kenya on a mission trip with their church. that spoke volumes to me, because this church did more than invite that man out to church. they helped him turn his life around. there are many other stories like that in this book. sorry if i sound like a sales pitch on this "relevant church" book i'm reading...but you can find it at any christian book store i'm sure. even check out www.relevantmagazine.com if you'd like. it's a company that's main focus is their monthly magazine which i also buy monthly. the website itself is pretty cool--lots of good articles and spaces for you to respond to their articles or ask questions. very neat.

so i guess my solution is, we can't bring our lost friends out to church. we need to bring the church to them. take a look at Jesus' life. he hung out with thieves, prostitutes, lepers... people nobody wants to be associated with. he didn't tell them to get their butt in church, he healed them, and simply said, follow me.

How's it going to end?

2005-07-21T22:31:00.000-04:00

I feel trapped. contained. shook up like a lava lamp. the bubbles will never mesh together again. beaded and separated forever. whatever pops into my head i want to write it down. document. because tomorrow i won't feel the same way. funny how that works. feels like a friday. my wishful thinking. and here i am, slouched over because in the back of my mind i know that it's bad for my back in the end. typing. to who? who will read this? will someone respond to this post? who knows. i could say i don't really care. but maybe i do. what would i want them to say. maybe tell me how i'm feeling right now. because i'm not myself. listen to me ramble.

it seems like the beginning of summer still. so much to do, so little time. so little money. and work. how is work going? it's going good. same old same old. i work for Student Works Painting. we paint houses. want us to paint your house? call chris. his signs are all over i'm sure you'll see them.

i've never blogged before. what do you fill this space with? do people read these? and who knows where you're supposed to end a paragraph. i think my first one was too long. that might have discouraged some people from continuing down this online rabbit hole. except you. you're still here. plugging away. waiting for something interesting to sneak up and bite you in the rear. now you feel insulted. maybe you can spite me by ending your read here. or not. maybe my next paragraph will be more interesting.

or not.

so today i'm thinking about my actions. because actions make up something like 70% of human communication. therefore making actions louder than words. if my math is correct. what do my actions say about me? is it obvious that i am a christian? am i living and breathing a life that Christ would deem worthy of such a title? i can talk the talk. i know i can. i could say all the right words, memorize all the right verses, and talk about my prayer life openly. funny how Jesus instructed to do the very opposite of that. to find a hiding place for prayer. a prayer closet. do i talk to God like He's my best friend? do i talk to Him as much as my best friends. no. but i think about Him. does that count? when my thoughts include Him does that count?

i ended that paragraph before i started preaching.

so i want to know something. how do you influence others to live christlike? do you spruce it up and make it cool? do you just live normally and hope someone sees you doing something holy? perhaps strive for excellence? after all the bible says that none are worthy to enter the kingdom of God. and Jesus gives us grace if we choose to accept it, but what after that? i have begun to detect a pattern. because i know my sinful nature hinders me so frequently. i fall time after time after time. and i fall back on my knees in repentence lower and lower each time. i think i'm digging a hole here. i feel like my words mean nothing when i try to come back to Christ. but then i am reminded that God says come as you are. and He loves us no matter what. and if we ask he will forgive us. each time. seems redundant. but still i climb back up the mountain. the pattern i'm noticing is that the more time i spend with God and the stronger i get, the less susceptible to attacks i become. they have less effect on me. so what's the result? bigger attacks. yes. and i fall. so i am learning to stay ahead of the curve so to speak. there is no limit to how much we can get to know God, so there is always a mountain to climb. there is no final destination. just death. that's the prize. i want to practice this. to test my theory. and i'm not afraid of death. i look forward to it. and no i am not suicidal. just desperate for something more.

man that's a long paragraph. i hope i didn't lose anyone with that megabyte of text.